Only The Middle of the Story
by InMyOwnWay
Summary: AU. Goren and Eames are no longer partners. Two years later.
1. In Between Dreams

**In Between Dreams**

The dream always began differently but always ended the same. Sometimes, the dream started pleasantly. She would be laying somewhere (in a bed maybe or maybe someplace silly like a field of wildflowers?) and Bobby would be sitting up, staring down at her with his dark coffee eyes and he would lean down, just like he used to, and kiss her softly. So softly. And then he would whisper in some foreign language (his Italian had always been her favorite). She could feel his breath on her ear and sometimes he would lick her lobe and she would close her eyes and his fingertips would trail down her body (she was always naked in these dreams). His thick fingers would eventually end up inside her and he would do that thing with his index finger that always sent her screaming and spirally down.

Other times, she would just see him. He wouldn't know she was there and he would be going about his day; somewhere in Russia or maybe a desert of some kind. She'd watch him work; going through surveillance video or formulating plans of action. And he was still smart but troubled as he overheard killers plan murders and thieves plan heists. His chin would be in his hand and he'd be bobbing up and down; just a little at first and then with growing intensity. His foot would just start going crazy. Crazy.

Sometimes she would dream that they were both still in Major Case. She would be sitting at her desk in her good old ugly orange chair. She'd be chasing leads over the phone and she would see him from across the bullpen and they were still partners but she could never talk to him. He was always across the room, talking to other detectives. And she would feel that good old warm Major Case feeling deep in her gut.

The dreams always started differently but with the same inevitable outcome. She would suddenly come upon a wounded Bobby, lying on concrete in some empty cold parking lot or maybe an empty warehouse. His eyes were always open and she would kneel at his side and try to apply pressure to his wound. The wound was always in his chest and he would always start to cough up blood. And she was always yelling, for help, and Bobby would just smile up at her and reach for her hand and tell her it was okay; that he loved her and everything was okay.

And then, in every dream she dreamt about Robert O. Goren, he died. And he left her there, sitting over his body and crying.


	2. From Russia with Love

**From Russia With Love**

Goren sat at the bar and signaled the bartender with a simple raise of his eyebrow. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick billfold. The wad of cash immediately earned him the bartender's attention.

"Vodka," Bobby ordered gruffly before slightly turning his head to his left. Bobby's mark, a man named Pyotr Lebedev sat in a dark booth across the room. He was a small man with dark hair and fast eyes. Bobby had been tailing him from afar for a few weeks now and had managed to install seven different bugs along the way. He was confident that Lebedev had no idea. The bugs were secure, all fiber optic to avoid detection and the idiot had been talking freely to his associates. 'No,' Bobby smirked in his head, careful to keep his face neutral, 'Lebedev had no idea.'

Tonight was a big night for the Russian criminal. A shipment of unfinished opium was coming in from the poppy fields of the Middle East. Bobby had a guy on the shipment crew and another one in Lebedev's warehouse who had both confirmed that the load would be dropped late that night. The shipment would be worth roughly $40 million once Lebedev refined the opium into heroin and the drugs would most likely be on the street by the end of next week. One of Lebedev's street soldiers had assured Bobby that the drugs would reach as far as "Ohio, U.S.A", the Russian kid had put it, by the next Thursday.

Bobby didn't care about the drugs though. In his mind, the drugs were the least of Lebedev's crimes. The criminal ran an organization that was responsible for the terrorism of thousands of Russian workers. Lebedev and his associates controlled all the working class unions. The unions were in place to help the laborers, but instead Lebedev ruled with the barbarism of a dictator. He ordered killings and torturing when the workers did not pay outrageous protection fees. Bobby had seen the pictures; young children and women punished for their husband's or father's inability to pay. If a man was lucky enough to escape with his life, his fingers or, sometimes, whole hands and feet were cut off, leaving men crippled and unable to work for their family's survival. Bobby was going to get Lebedev, if only on the drug crimes and he was going to make sure the Russian government imprisoned the man forever. A dark, cold, wet prison cell was all Pyotr Lebedev deserved. Death would be too good. Bobby wanted the sick man to sit in a cell for the rest of his life.

He drained his vodka and watched from his seat as a tall, light haired man slid into Pyotr's booth. The new comer wore an expensive gray suit, well tailored to his fit body, and a large ruby ring on his right middle finger. Bobby could see the shimmer of the ring on the wall just as the conversation reached his ear.

"My friend," the newcomer spoke nervously, "Forgive my tardiness."

Lebedev hissed between his teeth. "I am not a man to be waiting," Pyotr said, speaking in broken English.

The sandy haired man nodded apologetically. "I apologize, my friend."

Pyotr paused for a moment before cautiously nodding and commanding, "Speak what you want, Mr. Fredricks. Speak quickly, I have no time for this."

The man identified as Fredricks nodded, appearing anxious and pulling a thick blue envelope from his breast pocket. The movement caused a slight rustling of the sound in Bobby's ear.

Clarity returned and Bobby heard Pyotr inquire, "How much you expect for your money?"

Fredrick gave his most awkward shrug as his voice rose at the end of his statement, "10 kilos."

The hard Russian man took a final swig of his drink from his heavy crystal glass. "I vill give you 7. You take or you leave." Pyotr slammed his heavy class down and moved to stand, and motioned for Fredricks to follow. The seemingly nervous man stood and glanced around before following Lebedev out the door.

Bobby waited for a few moments before taking out his money clip again and placing 500 rubles on the sticky bar. He swept out of the door and looked to his left. A black car was driving away, 100 yards ahead and turning to the left. Bobby pulled out a single key and walked to a green car parked down the street.

Bobby followed the black car from a distance, out of the city and into the country. The weather was cold and for a few miles of curvy countryside, exhaust was the only sign of the car in front of him. Moments passed and Bobby feared he had lost the car until the curvy road came to an end. In the distance, through a clearing and some scattered trees, sat a large estate. Smoke was billowing from the chimney and Bobby could see the snow drafts that overtook the stone fence. He could also make out several surveillance cameras and flood lights across the estate. The young street kid Bobby had spoken to last week had alluded to a country estate and this must be it. The black cars exhaust had just disappeared as the wire gates slammed shut.

Bobby had not anticipated this. He had thought Lebedev might take Fredricks somewhere to hand the product over but all the way out here? No, Bobby had never anticipated this. Something was wrong. Drug dealers didn't often drive buyers a hundred miles out of the city to their country estates. He rolled the car to a stop but sat for a few moments before getting out of the car.

Cooper, who was Fredricks for the purpose of today's operation, was inside that house and Bobby was sure he would be searched. They would find the wire and maybe even figure out that the ruby ring was a camera. Bobby needed to get into that house.

Bobby made his way along the tree line, avoiding the cameras and looking around for the flood light triggers. He took his time and slowly neared the house, unsure whether he had been detected. He decided to enter the fenced yard from behind the house. As he rounded the house, his thoughts floated to the last few days. Cooper had been nervous about this op. He wasn't as sure as Bobby about the reliability of their informants and he didn't like the idea of going in on possibly wrong information. Bobby had seen those damn pictures, though, and had insisted that they move NOW! Today! If anything happened, this was on Bobby.

Sighing, Bobby pulled himself over the fence and landed in a bank of cold snow. There were trees all around him and he hung low for several minutes. Dark was descending and the moon was up ahead of him. He could make out lights in half the windows but the top floor of the house was dark. The nighttime sky would help, he was sure, as long as he could avoid setting the flood lights off. They were positioned roughly twenty feet away from each other and if he walked in the exact middle, in a straight line, he could probably avoid triggering them.

Just as Bobby was getting ready to walk towards the house, he heard a gun shot from inside. His head jerked up and without further thought, he ran for the house. The door was locked and so he used his coat covered elbow to smash a pain of glass out of the patio door. He opened the door from the inside and drew his gun and headed down the only hallway he saw. There were crashing sounds coming from underneath Bobby's feet as he frantically but silently searched for access to the basement floor. Finally, he spotted a door tucked away in a corner and thankfully, it led to a staircase. Bobby found himself in a long concrete hallway. He walked along, his gun drawn, until the sounds became distinct. Another gunshot rang and Bobby quickened his pace. Finally, the hallway gave way to a large concrete room and Bobby found his partner. The expensive gray suit they had spent half their op budget on was stained at the shoulder. Blood was seeping out and Cooper's face looked ashen.

A young man was standing above Cooper with a gun aimed at his head. They had obviously been struggling; a chair was overturned and the kid's face was swollen. Bobby's own gun met the kid's temple and with a click, the kid was alerted to Bobby's presence.

"Lower your gun," Bobby whispered into the kid's ear. He did as he was told but swore softly under his breathe, in thick Russian.

"Where's your boss?"

The kid shook his head rebelliously and remained silent.

The three men stood for several moments. The Russian kid was sweating fiercely and Bobby was starting to get nervous. The kid was twitchy and suddenly, Bobby realized that he was edging towards the concrete wall, probably to activate some sort of alarm button.

A split second later, Bobby the kid slumped to the floor. There was only a single hole through his temple. No sound was heard, thanks to the new gun the tech team had just equipped them with. Goren crouched to Cooper and helped him stand, avoiding his bad shoulder.

The partners made their way out of the basement and slowly out of the house without incident. By the time they reached the yard, Cooper was sweating and trembling. The shoulder was dripping blood, despite Bobby's best attempt at applying pressure. They weren't moving across the yard quickly enough. Finally, despite Cooper's protests, Bobby carried him the rest of the way to the car waiting outside the estate perimeter.

Five hours later, Bobby entered a dark hospital room. A monitor displayed Coopers pulse as 96, his SP O2 as 94 and his blood pressure as 123 over 72. Bobby silently thanked God and then stepped back into the hallway to look for a nurse. He couldn't see anyone but they needed to move fast anyway.

"Coop," he whispered into his sleeping friend's ear. It took a few more tries, but finally pale blue eyes opened and a look of grimace replaced Cooper's sleeping calm.

"We gotta go," Bobby insisted before drawing back the blanket that covered Cooper's body.

Cooper groaned in pain as he sat up and allowed Bobby to pull a hooded sweatshirt over his head. Sweat pants followed and then Bobby unhooked two IV bags from the stand. The smaller read _5 Morphine in nrml Saline sltn._

"I've got pain meds for you as soon as this runs out," Bobby assured Cooper as he led him down the hall. Cooper just grunted and allowed Goren to drag him out the door and to an awaiting cab.

Goren asked the cabbie to drive to the train station. Cooper's head rolled back as he caught his breathe. He slowly turned his head to face Goren. Bobby was twitching, shifting in his seat and switching between looking out the window to his left and the windshield ahead.

"Goren," Cooper spoke, keeping his voice low. Bobby's eyes left the window and rested upon Cooper.

"Thanks for coming in after me."

Bobby just shook his head and turned back to the window. "You were right. You're instincts were dead on. We shouldn't have moved ahead with it." Goren was still staring out the window, refusing to meet Cooper's eyes.

Cooper was fighting sleep and only had the strength to mutter, "How many times has it been the other way?"

Cooper closed his eyes and slept until he felt the cab stop. They boarded the train bound for St. Petersburg and then took another cab ride to a small strip of runway outside the city where an airplane was waiting for them. The pilot accepted the cash Bobby handed him in silence and soon they were air bound, headed west, away from the sunrise.

The plane ride was spent in silence as Cooper slept and Bobby stared at the gray sky all around him. His thoughts were scattered and whirled and no amount of deep breathing was helping him regain control. Cooper had almost… God, he'd almost gotten Cooper killed. Bobby scrubbed his hand over his chin for the hundredth time that night.

He hated when his thoughts got out of control like this. He was never able to direct himself when it got this bad. There was only one person who had ever been able to ground him enough…just with her presence and she wasn't here now. He hadn't even spoken to her in, what, two years now? Not for the first time, he wondered how she was these days. Maybe she was happy and settled. Alex deserved happy and settled and he wished with his whole heart she was.

Bobby stood up and reached over his head and pulled a duffel bag down to his lap. He rifled inside and pulled out a few things. Two American passports with he and Cooper's pictures and corresponding ID, an envelope of cash, which he split into two piles, and a ragged, well used black leather portfolio. He unzipped the folder and flipped to the back. Bobby's thick hand reached inside a Velcroed pocket and extracted a small key. He carefully put it into another envelope and then used a black felt tip pen to write 'Alex Eames' on the front of the envelope.

He only intended to enclose the key and some instructions but suddenly he wondered if he shouldn't include a note. 'Just to say hi,' he reasoned with himself. Normally, he didn't allow himself to think about Alex very often. She was an area of his brain that was off limits under normal circumstances. In his line of work, he couldn't afford to be distracted and Alex was definitely a distraction. Sometimes, when he wasn't working and had a few moments to himself, he would allow his mind to wander to her. And he would remember the oddest things. Like the smell of her hair, the shape of her waist in his hands, her legs entwined with his in the morning, that time she got shit faced and sang 'Wild Thing' into a hair brush while she danced on his bed.

A smile danced across Bobby's face as he thought of her crazy bed hair and her complete incoherence when she woke up in the mornings. In early morning, she would be so pissed off; he often took it upon himself to start her day off well. If they had time, he would make sure she came to a screaming orgasm right away; if not, he would be sure to stop for coffee at Starbucks.

And so, Bobby wrote Alex a quick note that turned into a longer letter and stuffed it into the envelope before he could change his mind. He grabbed another piece of paper and wrote her address and phone number from memory just as the plane landed.

Cooper woke up to the landing gear hitting the airstrip in Munich. As the plane taxied into a terminal, Bobby fished a prescription bottle out of his jacket pocket and dumped 2 pills into Cooper's hand. He swallowed them dry without asking what they were. Bobby put the bottle into Cooper's bag and started down the stairs. Cooper winced in pain and tried desperately not to move his shoulder as he followed Goren down the small staircase to solid ground.

Outside the terminal, a helicopter's rotors began spinning. Goren led Cooper to the aircraft and opened the door, helping his friend into the seat and then buckling the safety belt, careful to avoid Cooper's shoulder. Bobby grabbed the envelope addressed to Alex and shoved it in Cooper's hand.

"You aren't coming?" Cooper questioned, as he looked down and read the envelope.

Bobby shook his head and shouted above the roar of the spinning rotors.

"I'm going to Berlin to debrief with Johnson. You're going to Virginia. Walters wants you at Langley for a few weeks."

Cooper nodded and looked at the envelope again. "You want me to find her?"

Bobby nodded and shouted, "Drive up to New York for me, huh? Just give her that." Cooper nodded and Bobby pulled another envelope out. "Here's some money and a passport. You've got a plane leaving out of Luxemberg in three hours that goes straight to National airport. Get your shoulder checked out again, okay?"

Cooper nodded and as Bobby got ready to shut the chopper door, Cooper yelled to him, "Bobby. This," he gestured towards his bad shoulder, "wasn't your fault. And you saved my ass."

Bobby didn't really respond; he just shouted back, "I'll see you in a month or so."

A week later, Cooper stood outside the New York address Bobby had given him and knocked on the door heavily. He waited for a few moments and was about to knock again when a small child answered the door.

The little boy looked up at Cooper curiously.

"Hi," Cooper began. Was this Alex's child? Bobby hadn't mentioned that Alex had a five year old. Just as Cooper opened his mouth to ask where the little boy's mommy was, a tall brunette woman came to the door with a baby on her hip.

"Can I help you?"

Cooper stood straight up and paused. This was Alex? Somehow, he had pictured the love of Goren's life a little differently.

"Alex Eames?" he questioned.

The brunette shook her head. "No, she was the previous owner. My husband and I purchased this home last year."

Cooper was not surprised. She had also changed her number and was apparently no longer an NYPD detective. "You don't happen to have a forwarding address for her, do you?" Even as he asked, Cooper knew the answer.

The woman shook her head apologetically.

"Okay, well, sorry to bother you."

Cooper turned and walked down the steps of the little house. He sighed heavily. This woman had changed everything in the last few years, which led Cooper to wonder, 'Just how badly had her relationship with Goren ended?'


	3. Breakup Breakdown

**Breakup Breakdown**

Alex stood in front of her suspect and laughed. A growing look of disgust was spreading against the Afghan man's face. Ismail Fahim was a bad man; he was linked to four different bus bombings in Afghanistan and had come to the U.S. on a traveler's visa. It had expired two months ago and since then, the Feds had kept a close eye on this guy. They had linked him to a plot to blow up the duct system that supplied water to all of New York Island. Had the plot been carried out, all of Manhattan would be under water.

And now, Alex was standing in an interrogation room, baiting the guy. 'Nothing like an empowered woman to get an Afghani to talk', she thought merrily. Alex leaned in closer and smiled, making sure to spread glee from her mouth to her eyes.

She stood, bent over at the waist, her face inches from her suspect's own and whispered with merriment, "I bet you didn't even realize that we were tracking that cell phone your friend gave you." She laughed again and watched as the man's eyes darkened further. He was close to losing it; she could tell. She could see the anger in his eyes at his companion's stupidity.

"What an American idiot he is," Alex continued, using her most taunting voice. "You must not know how to train your young associates. What a shame for you; your own protégé screwing you in the end." She smiled again and licked her lips in anticipation. She could smell the anger radiating off this rigid man.

"Wanna know the best part?" Alex paused for dramatic flair and grinned smugly before continuing again, "He's gonna walk out of here. Because all we have on your little friend is a parking violation. You though," she nodded and used her pointer finger to dig into his chest, "we've got it all. We have the blue prints to the duct system. We have the aluminum casing, we have nitroglycerin sticks and the power cords. We have you, with your traceable cell phone, going all the way to Albany on the train to kill that FBI agent. You're going down. And all thanks to that fucking cell phone," she whispered and watched as the anger in her guy's eyes turned to rage and then fury. Only a second ahead of him, Alex stepped back and out of his arm's length. He was up in an instant and the interrogation table was suddenly smashing into the two-way mirror.

In broken English, the Afghani man screamed in horror, "That stupid American! That stupid pig!"

Agents burst into the room, guns drawn and serious looks on their faces. Alex drew her own weapon only to fill strong hands on her shoulders as she was drawn out of the room. Alex whirled around to see her immediate supervisor doing a once over of her head and upper body.

"Did that table hit you?"

Alex shook her head no and re-holstered her gun. "No, I'm fine."

Agent Fielding nodded, slowly taking her in, his eyes passing over each part of her body, examining her for injury. Finally, a grin broke out across his face. "Excellent interrogation, Agent Eames. You did that well," he said, letting out a soft chuckle.

Alex smiled and nodded and added, "Nothing pisses a terrorist off more than an incompetent American."

Fielding nodded and informed her, "Our favorite American is being booked for the parking violation and then we'll start tailing him. Hugo and Marks have tonight; you and Matthews tomorrow night."

Alex nodded and headed back to her desk. She sat and started writing down her account of the interrogation. Alex herself had participated in some of the surveillance on Ismail Fahim and she was pleased to be the agent who finally got a confession. Alex had quite a reputation for her interrogation skills among her fellow agents and superiors.

She had risen quickly in the Anti-Terrorism task force after joining the FBI two years earlier. She enjoyed her job for the most part and had learned quite a bit about surveillance in the last two years. Thought the FBI had been a good chance for Alex, she still found herself missing the NYPD. Mostly, she missed the people she had worked with in her ten years as an officer and detective. There was continuity among police officers that the FBI lacked. The Bureau didn't promote the intense connections between partners and the deep loyalty of the NYPD. But overall, she had been treated well by her superiors and was friendly with all of the agents on the task force and she knew the change had been right. For her professional life.

Bobby had left two years ago. His mother's death was hard on him. Alex had watched as he prepared himself for losing her in the months preceding her death. In the end, it was the afternoon before Mark Ford Brady had been executed in Pennsylvania. It was a Thursday and he had taken off work and spent the day at Carmel Ridge. When Alex had gotten off work that night, she had called Bobby several times only to get his voicemail. Finally, she made herself grilled cheese and settled on her couch to read a novel. That's where she was when she heard his key turn in the lock. She looked up at him, standing in the door way and she had just known.

Alex did her best to comfort him, drawing on her experience from her husband's death to help. But he wouldn't allow her to get too close. He wasn't sleeping and he wouldn't let her reassure him on those long hot nights he spent pacing. She couldn't help but wonder if Bobby was keeping something from her but she didn't want to push and he wasn't offering any details.

He was always so quick to assume she didn't understand. He pushed and pushed her away until she was scared to touch him for fear of rejection. By August, they were no longer sleeping in the same bed and by September, she didn't have any clothes left at his apartment.

Their solve rate stayed high and they were still a functioning partnership, but they weren't talking about anything personal anymore and there were millions of words hanging between them, unspoken. They never officially spoke of their breakup. Instead, they just allowed their relationship to die. Still, she worried about him. He wasn't sleeping or eating and she could tell him was depressed. She tried to ask him, once, how things were but he cut her off bluntly with some details about a case and she didn't try again. Instead, they just went about their work as if they had never been anything but partners.

One afternoon, Bobby was interrogating a suspect and doing a damn good job. Alex was sitting at the table, neatly tucked in, pretending to be bored but listening to every word Bobby spoke. He was using the suspect's love of the victim against him and it was working. The guy was near tears as Bobby softly spoke.

"Come on man. I saw the way you looked at her. You _loved_ her," he emphasized. Bobby was sitting next to him and he leaned in close.

"You don't just stop loving someone like that. She was everything to you. You had never felt that way; you never knew you _could_ feel that way. And you're trying to tell us," Bobby gestured towards Alex, "that it all," he snapped his fingers, "just went away.

Alex's eyes shifted down for an instant, just an instant, before looking back up at the suspect's face. His eyes were staring at the wall; he was clearly avoiding any eye contact. Bobby moved in even closer and started whispering, "And you just left her there. You _loved_ her and you just walked away, while she was lying there bleeding and needing you the most. You left her."

The suspect was crying and wailing about how he had loved her; he had and he hadn't meant for her to bleed to death. He had just wanted to scare her and didn't mean for her to die. Alex stood up, her chair loudly scraping against the concrete floor. She walked quickly to the door and then into the viewing area where Deakins and Carver had watched. She waited until Bobby booked the bawling man and then, wordlessly, she headed home.

She lay in bed that night for two hours before finally getting up. Alex always been an insomniac and she often had to get up in the middle of the night to clean or do laundry until she was sleepy again. As she loaded her whites into the drier that night, she stopped and suddenly decided. She grabbed a jacket, not taking time to put on a bra, and headed over to Bobby's.

As she stood in front of Bobby's door, she debated on whether to knock or use the key that still hung on her keychain. She finally decided to just knock and stood there, waiting for a few moments before she heard noise in the apartment. The door swung open and she was faced with a sleepy, disheveled Bobby.

"Sorry to wake you up," Alex stated as she walked past him into his home. He stood, still facing the open doorway for a moment before finally closing the door and following her to the couch.

"Hi," he said, in his delayed reaction. He rubbed his chin and smoothed out his hair before sitting down next to her.

"I have to tell you something."

Bobby blinked and shook his head as if trying to comprehend. After a moment, he looked up and said, "I have to tell you something, too, actually."

Alex nodded but dove right in. "I love you." She waited for his reaction and upon seeing none, continued, "I want us to try again. Maybe we could just try talking again. Maybe we've given it a little time and we'll be able to trust each other with more of ourselves. Maybe…"

Bobby interrupted her. "I was offered a job with the CIA. They've seen my army and NYPD records and they want me to do some intelligence work."

Alex's mouth hung open for a moment. She closed it but opened it again before finally responding, "You're taking it."

Bobby nodded.

"When?"

"I leave at the beginning of next month. I just told Deakins tonight. I was going to tell you in the morning."

Alex sat for what felt like forever before finally standing up and nodding.

"Okay, well I'll see you tomorrow then," she said slowly before bolting from the apartment.

The next four weeks were awkward and excruciatingly slow moving. The two partners concentrated on closing all of their open files and getting all of their paperwork done. Bobby's last day was a Friday. He had an exit interview with Deakins and the Deputy Chief of Detectives. Carver stopped by to say goodbye and the secretaries got a cake. Alex smiled and joked and insisted on buying him lunch at his favorite deli.

They ate on a park bench and enjoyed the early September air. The silence was heavy but Alex was lost in thought and didn't really mind. Finally, as they stood up to throw away their garbage, Bobby surprised her by pulling her into him in a tight hug.

They stood for a few moments while each of their worlds tilted. Bobby focused on smelling Alex's hair and memorizing the way her body fit into his. The same thought flew through his mind over and over. 'This is the last time I'll touch her.' He willed time to slow and took several deep breaths, drinking her in.

Alex was trying desperately not to cry and succeeded only because she numbed her mind to the reality. She forced herself to think about other things; how she needed to call her mom back and get her hair cut. After several moments, she forced herself to step away from him, and then plastered on a friendly smile before joking, "We better get you back so all those secretaries can mourn properly."

Their eyes locked for a moment. Alex's eyes pleaded with him to just go along. His eyes held hers for a moment before he finally agreed and they walked back to work. The day passed and Bobby got into a cab at six o'clock and she convinced herself she would never see him again.

The first few months after he left, she went about her regular life. She tried her hardest not to miss Bobby. She focused on work and tried to forge a relationship with her new partner. She started running again, a habit she had let slide when she and Bobby started dating. She spent that fall convincing herself everything was okay. Then one night, she was at a bar with some girlfriends, drinking heavily, and she thought she saw Bobby from across the room. She had run over to the man and was hugging him before she realized it was not Goren. She was mortified as she ran from the bar and then mortification turned into deep, dark depression.

That winter was long. Alex went to work and then she went home and that's all she had energy for. She would just lie on her couch, drained of all energy and life. She didn't get a Christmas tree or bake her usual holiday treats. She spent New Year's Eve alone on her couch in her sweats. She avoided her family as much as possible because they insisted on pointing out how much weight she had lost and how dark the circles under her eyes were. She slept and worked and dreamt of Bobby dying.

By spring, she felt mildly better. The sun helped and she went out on a few first dates. She decided to sell her house and move into an apartment off of Broadway. At the same time of her move, she was participating with the FBI on a sting operation. She liked the agents she worked with and apparently, they liked her. She was offered a job and immediately took it. Her depression seemed to subside. She was still dating occasionally and everything at work was going well. Things were looking up. She settled into life at the FBI and tried to push Goren out of her dreams. For the most part, he stayed away. Every once in a while, she would see him dying again and that week seemed to be a little harder. But the dreams were less frequent and she was somewhat happier, more settled and better equipped to ignore the constant ache she felt for Goren.


	4. Friend of the Devil

**Friend of the Devil**

**Thanks for all the great feedback. Please keep sending it, it totally motivates me to keep writing when I'm blocked. Any suggestions about the story line are totally welcome!!!**

After getting her confession out of the Afghani, Alex sat at her desk and filled out her paperwork. She was still feeling the adrenaline and decided to stick around the office, finishing odds and ends. A few hours later, Alex walked out of 26 Federal Plaza and into the cool autumn night. She unclipped her ID tag and put it into her bag. She silently cursed. It was one a.m. and she wouldn't be able to pick up her dry cleaning. No clean pant suits. She would have to put on a skirt the next morning. She decided to stop at a corner bodega to pick up some nylons and cream for her coffee in the morning.

As she was paying, her cell phone rang. She flipped open the phone with one hand, accepted her change from the Korean grocer with the other and deposited it into her pant pocket.

"Eames," she grunted into the phone.

"Hi." Alex immediately recognized her older brother's voice.

"Seth? What are you doing calling me at," she checked her watch, "one fifteen in the morning?"

"I took a gamble that you wouldn't be asleep. How's work?"

"Fine," Alex responded quickly before suspiciously asking, "What's up?"

Seth chuckled, "Okay, I'll get straight to it. Someone called for you today. He was looking for an Alex Eames."

Alex stopped walking and shifted the items in her hands. "You didn't just give him my number, did you?"

Seth dryly questioned, "Am I an idiot?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she wiped her bangs off her forehead.

"I wrote down his number and told him you'd call him."

"Did he say what he wanted?"

Seth sighed and said, "No. He was pretty secretive but he did mention Bobby Goren's name. Says he's a friend."

Alex came to a sudden stop.

"Alex?" she suddenly heard her brother repeatedly shouting out of the phone.

"Sorry," she apologized for the second time during their conversation.

"You haven't talked to Bobby in a while, have you?"

Alex found herself shaking her head and answering quietly, "No."

She took the phone number from Seth and hung up just as she approached her building.

As she waited for the elevator, she contemplated what a friend of Bobby's would need with her.

A dark thought entered her mind. She shook her head, almost violently as she walked into the apartment. 'No,' she refused to allow the dark thought to merge to her consciousness. She shook her head again as if forcing the idea out of her mind and sat down slowly on the couch. She sat there, with her hands in her lap, as the optimist in her tried in vein to convince her pessimist that is wasn't true. 'Maybe Bobby just needs a favor and he's in a crazy country and can't get a hold of me himself. Or maybe Bobby just asked this guy to get a hold of me to let me know everything is going great.' Pessimist shouted these hopeful thoughts down. 'He's dead.' She stood and stumbled into the kitchen to tear apart her cupboards, looking for an elusive bottle of scotch she knew she had. 'He's dead,' her brain repeated over and over. 'He's dead'.

Two hours later, she finally made it off the kitchen floor and into her soft bed. Her scotch-influenced body won over her mind and she was blissfully asleep. She dreamt of Bobby that night. She saw him that last September day, eating his pastrami sandwich and squinting in the sunlight, wearing that expensive navy blue suit of his. And then she saw him dying, choking on his own blood in a dark building in a cold country, half way across the world.

Finally, at 5 a.m., Alex gave up. She showered and dressed, pulling on the offensive nylons and a pencil skirt. She walked the few blocks to work in a fog and rode the elevator to the office she had left only five hours earlier. She found some more paperwork to do and started doing some research on the specific terror group her guy from last night was a part of. When her partner, Matthews, walked in with coffee, she realized that it was eight o'clock and no longer too early to call this friend of Bobby's. She excused herself to the lobby and slowly dialed the phone number Seth had given her the night before

"Hello," a muffled voice answered. She had woken him, she realized.

"This is Alex Eames," she announced confidently, falling for a moment into Alex Eames, FBI agent instead of Alex Eames, hopelessly sure that Bobby Goren was dead.

"Uhh, yeah. I'm so glad your brother gave you the message. God, you're hard to track down. All the contact information Bobby had given me turned out to be old. I've been looking for you for a couple days."

Alex widened her eyes and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Yeah, well I hadn't talked to Goren for a while. It'd been a couple of years. And you are?"

"Sorry. I'm a friend of Bobby's. My name's Cooper. I have something for you. Could we meet somewhere, maybe this afternoon?" Alex agreed and gave him the address to a coffee joint a few blocks down. She returned to her desk and kept herself occupied for the morning. By noon, she felt slightly nauseated, a mixture of the liquor from the night before and her nervousness. Finally, she stood and told her partner she had a quick errand to run. He muttered something about the two o'clock meeting and she nodded before heading downstairs.

As she stepped into the crowded coffee joint, she scanned the tables from behind her dark sunglasses. By the time she spotted him, he had already made her and was standing up at the table he had been occupying. She walked briskly towards him and firmly shook his hand.

"You must be Alex?" She nodded and removed the glasses.

"Cooper?" he nodded and gestured for her to have a seat.

"Do you want some coffee or something?" he asked.

She shook her head no and quickly observed him. He was tall, probably 6 foot even. He had sandy hair and pale blue eyes. His left shoulder was bulky underneath his black polo shirt. It was wrapped, she realized, pretty heavily and she noticed that he sat rigidly, keeping it perfectly still. She nodded subconsciously, only to earn a slight chuckle from this stranger.

"Do I pass?"

Alex blushed a little at having been caught and then soberly asked, "So, how did it happen?"

Cooper looked a little confused before nodding, "Oh, my shoulder? Uh, I was in an accident."

Alex's face went blank before she cleared her throat and clarified, "Uhm, Bobby. How did he… die?"

Cooper's blue eyes widened intensely, "God, No. Alex, Bobby's not dead."

Alex face relaxed and she allowed her eyes to drift upwards, silently thanking God.

Cooper was still stuttering, "God, No. I'm so sorry Alex. I should have realized what you would think, me tracking you down like this. No, Goren is fine. He's not dead at all."

Alex looked down at her hands for an instant before bringing her head up and warily asking, "So, how do you know Bobby?"

Cooper smiled and Alex watched as he struggled to dream up a plausible story before she rescued him by saying, "It's okay. I know, CIA."

Cooper nodded again and Alex chuckled a little, "Even in the CIA, Goren has to work with someone, huh?"

This earned a full grin from Cooper. "At first," he confided, "I thought Bobby was the craziest ass I had ever met. But," his expression softened and his eyes seemed to open wider, "he has now saved _my_ crazy ass, umm, probably eight times."

Alex nodded, "Bobby takes a while to grow on people. He's hard to work with at first."

Cooper nodded before quietly saying, "Bobby and I have been in some bad situations. He's a good guy and he's smart. He's talked us out of some horrible places."

Alex nodded down at her hands again. A flash of Wiszneski's den burst into Alex's mind. She could see Bobby's hands in front of him, his words pleading with the suicidal man to just let his partner go, that it was on him, not on her.

"Anyway," Cooper reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a letter sized envelope with Goren's familiar handwriting. "He just asked me to get that to you," Cooper said, nodding with relief that this particular errand was finally done. Cautiously, Cooper added, "You know, he talks about you sometimes." Cooper waited for a beat, "Only when we're drunk and he doesn't think I'll remember." And then he quietly added, "He talks about you with reverence."

Alex's head dropped and then, quickly, she moved to stand. She paused for a moment and then quietly asked, "When will you see him again?"

Cooper sighed and ventured a guess, "A month or so, I think."

"He's on his own right now?" she quietly questioned. She searched Cooper's eyes, looking to see if the answer would be the truth.

"There are check points in place to keep him safe."

His blue eyes confirmed that this man was being as truthful as possible. She nodded and stood. Before she walked away, Cooper asked, "You want me to tell him anything?"

She was standing next to his chair now. She didn't meet his eyes when she answered, "Bobby knows everything I could say." And then, she walked away.


	5. Do Me a Favor

**Thanks for all the reviews. I love getting them and knowing what everyone is thinking. Sorry it took me a little longer to update this time. Real life and all that. The next update should be a little sooner, though I can't promise anything. The SOB reference is for The Confused One ;), which goes to show that reviewing often pays off. Thanks******

**Do Me A Favor**

Alex went through the rest of the day on autopilot. She attended two meetings and gave a presentation on Ismail Fahim, her Afghani, and his terror group. Alex had discovered that the Treasury department had flagged one of his six different aliases. Alex and her partner were scheduled to meet via satellite with a team of Treasury agents the next morning and, it seemed, everyone on the Anti-Terrorism task force had a suggestion about how that particular meeting should go. It seemed many of her co-workers had strong feelings of animosity for the guys at Treasury due to an investigation some Secret Service agents had worked in Brooklyn a few years earlier. The FBI did not like getting kicked out of their own cases and Alex was warned many times not to allow herself to be kicked around. She tried her hardest not to roll her eyes at the male bravado being displayed. Instead, she played along and assured everyone she would maintain control. All the while, her mind kept drifting back to the envelope that was folded inside her jacket pocket.

After her meetings, Alex spent the evening in a surveillance van with her partner and some tech guys. They were watching her Afghani's accomplice but, fortunately, the guy led a pretty boring life. The suspect arrived home from his carpentry job at six thirty and didn't leave the rest of the night. Another pair of agents arrived at ten p.m. and Alex ended up home by ten thirty.

She had decided early on in the afternoon, while she was sitting in the van, that she wouldn't let whatever was in that envelope upset her. She had stumbled across a fragile equilibrium in the last few months and she had grown to cherish it. The problem was that Alex could think of nothing that would shatter it faster than contact from Bobby.

At two in the morning, she was settled on her couch with her third glass of red wine. She stifled a giggle at the realization that since Bobby's friend had contacted her, she had drank more alcohol that she usually did in a month.

The letter was on the coffee table across from her, where she had been glaring at it all evening. She had moved to pick it up a couple of times only to stop short. Finally, she downed the remaining wine and lunged for the letter, ripping it open with shaking hands.

A small key fell out as she unfolded a single piece of paper.

_Alex,_

_I know its been a while, but I wanted to let you know that everything is good with me right now. I hope you aren't worried at all. I know I should have contacted you sooner but I guess I never knew what to say. I've been thinking about that last few months a lot lately. I screwed it up. I'm so sorry I hurt you by pulling away like I did. I hope you are happy and I hope you don't hate me._

_I actually have a favor to ask of you. I have a safe deposit box in New York Bank on Lexington and I was hoping you would go clean it out and take the things in it to your bank. I'd just rather know that my things are safe. Your name is on my box as a co-owner so it shouldn't be a problem for you to access it. The key is enclosed. I really appreciate it. _

_I'll be in contact soon. Love, always, Bobby._

The handwriting was his familiar scrawl and the sight of it alone- it was almost too much. Alex sat for several minutes and waited for the wave of emotion to pass. When it didn't subside, instead rising in her throat, she stood and walked to the bathroom and puked in the toilet. She sat there for a moment, afterwards, and stared at the wall. 'So much for not letting Goren's letter upset me,' she snarked to herself. The same words kept sticking in her head. '…everything is good with me right now. I hope you aren't worried…'

Everything was good with him. She shouldn't be worried. She closed her eyes and groaned, wishing it were that easy.

She knew that she would do this favor for Bobby. She would go clear out his stuff and it would probably be hard, but she'd do it. Because she was still in love with the SOB, she bitterly thought as she slumped down to the floor.

Three days later, Alex finally got a chance to leave the office an hour early and found herself standing in front of New York Bank on Lexington Avenue. She bit her lip and pushed her hair back as she walked through the circular doors. When she reached a teller, she explained that she would like to empty her safe deposit box. Alex casually gave the teller her name and an I.D. and despite herself, was surprised when the woman smiled and led her down a hall to a room with rows of steel boxes. The teller pointed out the correct box and quietly excused herself. Alex sat down at the large table in the center of the room and used the key Bobby had sent her to unlock the box.

At the top of the box was a stack of paperwork, about an inch thick, that appeared to be mostly insurance policies and information on Goren's NYPD retirement fund. At the bottom of the pile was a folder that was marked 'Birth/Death Certificates'.

Next were a box of family photos and a small jewelry box. Then there was a thick envelope full of cash, a ring of keys and two small NYPD-issued evidence bags. Both bags contained several strands of hair. One set of hair was completely gray and the hairs were rather short; perhaps an older man's hair. The other set was slightly longer with traces of red and gray. Alex held the bags closer and realized that each one of the hairs had the white bulb root intact.

Next was a black and white picture of Bobby's mother. She wore a checkered skirt suit and matching hat. She looked happy. She was flirting with the camera. A conversation from long ago suddenly replayed in Alex's mind.

"_Your brother might have it wrong."_

"_No. He doesn't. He was older and he remembers."_

"_Still, it doesn't mean…"_

"_I was looking in the family album. My mom. She was happy, ya know, she was smiling and then something happened and she was never the same after that. She was just never the same."_

Alex sat back in the chair and held the photo in her hand. She brushed dust on the woman's face. Frances Goren had been a beautiful woman, Alex thought. She had met Mrs. Goren during that long week they investigated Mark Ford Brady.

They were in the car one day, on the way to the prison, when Bobby had received another phone call from his mom, the third one that Alex had overheard that week.

_She had only heard his side, but she knew that his mom was insisting on meeting his girlfriend again._

"_Uhh. Oh Mom, I'm sorry. We have ahh…it's an inmate on death row. No, no, no. That's…uhh…he misunderstood." Bobby had hung up his phone and nervously chuckled. "My mom wants to meet you. Uhh, my brother's been talking you up."_

_Alex hadn't said anything at the time, but, later, as they walked from the prison to the car, she had looked up at him and smiled. _

"_Take me with you to see your mom."_

_Bobby had stopped abruptly. Alex walked a few more paces before realizing he wasn't next to her. She stopped and turned around to face him. He was standing there, staring at her with a look on his face that Alex couldn't quite place. _

_She lifted her hands in exasperation._

"_Bobby," she prodded until finally he answered._

"_Ahh, Alex, you don't have to do that. I've just been telling her…" he waved his hands in front of himself awkwardly. _

_Alex smiled and brushed her bangs away, "I know. But I'd like to meet her. And maybe it will help her…she'll feel better to see that you're…" Suddenly, she was bashful at saying the words. 'Maybe, she'll feel better to know you have someone to love you,' she filled in, but only in her head._

_Bobby nodded and broke eye contact for a moment. Finally, he looked back up and nodded slightly. "Okay," he breathed out._

_Later that evening, they drove up to Carmel Ridge and Alex walked into the facility for the first time. The nurses greeted Bobby as they walked down the hall but as they approached his mother's door, Alex felt Bobby's body stiffen as he walked next to her. She looked up to reassure him, only to find that he would not meet her eyes. _

_Years of knowing Bobby had left Alex curious about this portion of his life. He didn't like to talk about it, strangely, even more so since they had become lovers. As she stepped into Frances Goren's room, puzzle pieces started to slide into place. The speech pattern, the love of books, the slight movement of her hands as she spoke. 'Just like Bobby,' she thought. _

"_So this is her," Frances stated, pointedly staring Alex up and down._

"_Yeah, mom, this is Alex." Bobby leaned down to kiss his mother hello. Alex hung back, suddenly feeling out of place and waiting for Bobby to ease the tension. He motioned to a chair and then cleared one off for himself as well. _

"_It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Goren," Alex greeted, holding her hand out. The older woman stared at her through suspicious eyes before cautiously taking Alex's outstretched hand._

_Silence stretched until, finally, Bobby motioned to the photo album in his mother's lap._

"_Another one, huh?" he asked. His mother only nodded, not taking her scrutinizing eyes off Alex._

_Slowly, with a slight hiss, Frances spoke, "I know who you are," she accused Alex. Frantically, Alex looked over to Bobby only to see panic in his eyes._

"_Mom," he started, but the older woman was already rising to her feet. _

_Yelling, she pointed her finger in Alex's face and repeated loudly, "I know who you are!" Bobby stood and leaned down to reason with his mother, "Mom, this is Alex. My __**girlfriend**__," he emphasized. "Remember, you wanted to meet her?"_

_Frances just continued, "No, this isn't your girlfriend. This is the woman who messes with my medicine." She turned to Bobby and started crying dramatically, "She wants me dead, Bobby. You wouldn't love this woman." _

_Alex waited while Bobby slowly hugged his mother. He was bent over, speaking soothing words into his mother's ear and convincing her to move over to the bed. Alex stood and waited until Frances was lying in bed, before slowly moving out the door. In the hallway, she pressed her back against the wall and closed her eyes as she listened to Frances's shouts and Bobby's muffled pleas._

_Ten minutes later, Bobby stepped into the hall. He was flustered and his eyes refused to meet hers, even after Alex pulled his hands into her. _

"_Bobby," she started but stopped when he shook his head fiercely._

"_Why don't you take the car and I'll stay here for a while. I'll take the train back into the city." As he spoke, Bobby's eyes stayed trained on the wall above Alex's head. _

"_Okay, but Bobby," she pulled on his hands, willing him to look down at her. _

_He only shook his head again and softly spoke, "Please, Alex, just…" _

_After a moments pause, Alex dropped his hands and nodded, still looking up at him and trying to find his eyes. She whispered, "Okay Bobby. I'll go." _

_Bobby just nodded and stepped away and watched her as she walked down the long hall._

They never spoke of the Carmel Ridge debacle again. They never spoke of much after that; Bobby had shut down to her. He had stayed quiet for the rest of the investigation into Mark Ford Brady, insisting that she trust him to go to the prison alone. And then his mother had died and he'd taken a few weeks off. She didn't see him much during that time off, just the occasional night and maybe weekend day. When he came back to work, he remained distant and the rest of the summer was spent in relative silence. Bobby had been distracted and Alex's repeated attempts at closing the distance between them had only resulted in him refusing her. Those feelings of rejection sat heavily on Alex's chest as she sat there at the bank table.

She blinked a few times and moved to return emptying the box. As she continued packing the items into the bag she had brought along, a memory from the back of her mind fought its way to the front.

It was that last afternoon before Bobby's mother's death. They had eaten lunch in the conference room, surrounded by all those girl's pictures. She had been attempting to steal some of his fries in between bites of her salad and he playfully swatted at her. Finally, on her last attempt, Bobby grabbed her hand and placed a quick kiss on the inside of her wrist. She had blushed furiously and returned to her salad just as Carver walked in the door. And then Bobby had left to go see his mother. When he came back with a theory, she had tried to talk him down. He had set off for the prison alone and then went straight to his mother's side.

Two years ago, she kept telling herself that he would snap out of it anytime. He was still grieving, she had reasoned at the time. But things never returned to normal. It was as if he didn't trust anything anymore, even her, and, back then, she hadn't known why.

She looked down at the bank table and everything blurred except for two evidence bags of human hair. Roots intact. Perfect specimens for DNA testing. Slowly, the picture came into focus in Alex's mind and a light dawned.

She had always felt like Bobby was keeping something from her after his mother's death. Slowly, she turned the words over in her mind, 'Bobby thought Mark Ford Brady could be his father'. She gasped and the picture fluttered from her hands and onto the stack of insurance documents. No wonder Bobby felt like he had to run. Fight or flight must have kicked in and he had that horrible secret he was too scared to share with anyone. With her. She sat in that cold bank room for close to an hour. Her mind was reeling and she kept coming back to the realization that Bobby hadn't been running from her after all. He was running away from something else, someone else. And she'd let him go.


	6. Careful, Mr Secret Agent Man

**Careful, Mr. Secret Agent Man**

Berlin was starting to get on Bobby's nerves. 'October in Germany,' he thought, 'I should have known better.' He walked carefully, trying to avoid the drunks that were weaving their way through the streets. Techno music tortured the air all around him and he vowed, for the tenth time that night, to never be in Germany during October again. He had spent the last three weeks filing paperwork and talking through the last operation. It had been harder than normal to keep himself occupied. He was beginning to feel that itch again; the one that wouldn't be scratched until he found himself planning an op.

Goren's handler, Mitch Johnson, was just as eager to get Bobby back in the field. Johnson was an ex-Navy Seal with a gruff exterior but a soft soul. He was an excellent manager; shepherding his guys all over Europe, keeping men safe and getting results. Goren was one of his stars but he could also be a pain in Johnson's ass. Johnson had never had to communicate with Langley so much. And there was nothing he hated worse than paperwork. Johnson sat back in his chair, dreading his next task.

One of his teams was in the field, on the French Riviera, tracking a ring of smugglers linked to an assassin who had just made an attempt on the Pope. They needed another body for the next few weeks and Johnson desperately wanted to send Goren, if only to the guy out of his hair. He just needed approval from Langley. He picked up the phone and dialed the U.S. country code, then the phone number in Virginia, sighing as he went through the security checks. He punched in code after code before finally getting to the desk he needed. After an hour of debate, the bureaucrat agreed and Johnson had the approval he needed. Goren was officially allowed to head to France.

Two days later, a clean-shaven Goren was sitting at a blackjack table in Nice, France. The casino was buzzing with people mingling everywhere and a few tables over, an American tourist was winning big and drawing quite a crowd.

Goren looked to the dealer and signaled he was ready to play. His cards were a two and a jack. The dealer's card was a nine. Goren nodded and the dealer hit him again. A four. The dealer turned his other card to uncover an eight. The dealer took Goren's chips and dealt again.

Two hours later, Bobby was acting drunk and losing heavy. He stood and made a show of cursing and grumbling as he left the table. As he stumbled out of the casino, Goren did a mental inventory of everyone on the floor. Simmons and Clancy were at tables across the room from each other. Simmons was winning, but not by much, and Clancy was losing badly. He spotted the tech guy from Simmon's team drinking at the bar. Kadie McCulty was flirting up the big fish at the poker table. She looked good in her low cut dress and four inch heels and the mark was falling for her. The guy's arm was draped across Kadie's waist and she was leaning in heavy. Bobby stifled the smile from his face. Kadie could make the most concentrated mark lose his focus.

According to the report Goren had read on the way over from Germany, Kadie's guy was a big time gambler, known in all the major European casinos and more than a few in Vegas. He was also their assassin's brother. Their mother was on her deathbed in Belgium and both brothers were expected to visit her by the end of the week. If things worked out right, the brothers would be there at the same time and a conversation would ensue.

The object of tonight's op was to get into their gambler's room and plant some bugs. Kadie would sit on him while Goren and the tech guy made their way upstairs. Goren saw the techie dig into his wallet and throw a few bills on the bar. Goren stumbled through the lobby, stopping in a restroom along the way. A pair of gray coveralls was buried deep under the liner of the trashcan. Bobby quickly changed and left his tuxedo in the bottom of the trash can. He walked swiftly to the stairwell, giving the air of a serviceman on a mission. Ten flights up.

The techie got the luxury of skipping the stairs. There was no risk anyone from Interpol would review the elevator tapes and recognize him from other ops. By the time Goren reached the tenth floor, the techie was there, in his own coveralls, pretending to work on a light fixture.

Bobby swiped the electronic key card Kadie had handed him on his way out of the casino. He helped with some wiring but mostly stood look out. He was worried the casino would cut their guy off and he would get walked back to his room to sleep it off. But he could hear Kadie in his ear, cooing about this guy's winnings. She would let him know if anything had changed, Goren was confident.

The techie had nervous eyes, Goren noticed. He was sweating bullets, something Goren was sympathetic to. At the beginning of his operational career, Goren had issues with sweating. Once or twice, it got him into trouble. He finally figured out how to focus his mind on the task at hand instead of spending nervous energy worrying.

Goren smiled at a passing couple and pretended to be searching his pockets for something. He waited until they had boarded the elevator before sticking his head in the room again. The techie was packing up and smiled appreciatively at Goren as he held the door open.

"Take the service elevator," Goren muttered under his breathe, "I'll meet you around back with the van."

Back on the ground floor, Goren made his way through the back of the hotel. Once outside, he jumped into a white VW service van. The van that bore a local plumber's logo. The same plumber happened to be doing work on the hotel's swimming park, which would work as a perfect cover story, should someone spot them.

Bobby backed into the hotel's loading bay just as the garage door opened. Techie was twitching now and Goren couldn't help but look over his shoulder. All of this guy's nervous energy was transferring to Goren. They loaded the van in silence. Just as Goren was shutting the door, a security guard strolled by. He stopped and nodded at the two under covers. Goren silently willed the techie to stay quiet.

The guard shouted out, "Êtes-vous chargeant vers le haut pour la nuit?" (You loading up for the night?)

Bobby nodded and made casual eye contact. "Pour le week-end. Nous vous verrons lundi." (For the weekend. We'll see you on Monday.) Bobby smiled friendly and waved to the guy as he climbed into the driver's seat. The techie's uniform was now thoroughly soaked with sweat and the guard had noticed, Bobby was sure. He started the engine and waited for the guard to come tap on the window. As soon as he did, Bobby unrolled the window and smiled nonchalantly again.

The guard's eyebrows rose as he asked Bobby, "Quelque chose mal avec votre ami?" (Something wrong with your friend?)

Bobby chuckled and motioned to the techie, who was now pale and sitting straight up in the passenger seat, the nervousness apparent on his face. He kept the laughter in his voice as he explained, "Il a juste trouvé dehors sa femme est enceinte. Il a jeté vers le haut des temps d'un couple." (He just found out his woman is pregnant. He threw up a couple times.)

The guard laughed heartily, slapping his knee in his jovialness, and then he waved them off. Bobby flashed another smile and drove the van slowly away from the hotel. The techie was still trembling half an hour later when Goren pulled the van into a quiet factory bay.

A week later, Bobby was sitting in a cold utility van on a quiet city street in Belgium. Kadie was in the back, listening to the bug, waiting for the brothers to start talking shop. Bobby was on watch and had been for ten hours. 'Time for someone else to take over,' he was thinking. Just as he shifted in his seat, a dark luxury car pulled up and a tall sandy haired man stepped out. He was carrying a black bag and a stethoscope in his hands. From underneath the white lab coat, Bobby could make out the lining of a bandaged shoulder. Cooper was back. He was greeted at the door by the gambler and ushered in. Bobby shifted slightly to hear the feed from Cooper's wire better.

"Dank u voor komst, arts. Mijn moeder is boven." (Thank you for coming, Doctor. My mother is upstairs.) Bobby listened as Cooper played the absent-minded doctor. He tripped over two rugs and a table as he followed the son up the stairs. Goren couldn't help but smile to himself. Cooper's Dutch was horrible. Worse than his German. But the role actually called for a poor-speaking, brilliant medical profession, so Cooper had been first picked. He had just flown in, that morning, and Bobby had yet to see him.

Cooper performed a thorough medical assessment on the dying woman while planting three different bugs in the her bedroom. He returned to his luxury car and drove past the van and into the city traffic. Bobby briefly made eye contact with his partner as he drove away.

Later that night, Cooper saddled up to the bar Bobby sat at. He ordered a drink and leaned against the bar, smiling at a young red head across the room. Goren looked over his shoulder to take in the object of Cooper's gaze. He smirked back up at Cooper who was still making eyes at the pretty girl.

Once Cooper had his drink, Goren led him to a table in the middle of the bar.

"How was the trip?" Goren asked in a low tone.

Cooper nodded, "Fine."

"The shoulder?"

Cooper just nodded and swallowed some of his Gin and Tonic.

"Heard you drove Johnson crazy."

This time, Goren just laughed, again in a low tone. The two men were practiced at keeping their conversations unspecific in public. No one would guess that they were American CIA agents.

"Your girl…" Cooper started.

Goren's head shot up. Cooper smiled and joked, "Is gorgeous."

A dark look of warning crossed Goren's face.

Cooper just shook his head, "Don't worry. I just met her for coffee." Cooper paused for a moment and then realizing that Goren wouldn't ask, he offered, "She looked good. Like she's doing fine. But she wasn't where you said she'd be."

Bobby sat up a little straighter as Cooper explained, "She sold her house and changed her phone number. The good people at Major Case wouldn't release any information but she's not working there anymore."

Bobby's face fell a little, "Where is she working then?"

Cooper sighed, "Well, I started cold calling out of the phone book. Finally reached her brother."

"Which one?" Bobby questioned.

"Older brother. He wouldn't give me her number, just took mine. She called me the next day and I met her at a coffee place off of Broadway. I followed her after she left. Guess where she ended up?"

Bobby's eyes warned Cooper to just say it, so he did. "Federal Plaza."

"FBI," Bobby whispered.

Cooper nodded and drained his drink. "She's smart. She made me as soon as she walked into the coffee joint."

Goren just nodded, finished his own drink and then both men stood up and walked the block back to their hotel in amiable silence.

**PLEASE REVIEW!!! I have a ridicules need to know what people think. PLEASE!!!!**


	7. These Dreams Are Made of Things

**A/N: I know some of you might think this is kinda moving slow but I wanted to show Alex investigating the possibility that Brady was Goren's father. It should start moving faster in the next chapter. Please continue reviewing. **

**These Dreams Are Made of Things**

Two weeks to the day after meeting with Cooper, Alex shoot up in bed, her breathing heavy and her heart beat racing. Her dream had been vivid and torturously long. She had tried to wake herself but the dream kept playing until the horrible end. Every single part seemed to last forever.

It had started pleasantly enough. She had been in the shower, in a hotel somewhere, and Bobby had suddenly appeared, drawing back the shower curtain and looking up and down her body as if she was his prey. She had shivered and suddenly, he was naked and standing next to her. His hands intertwined with her hair and his lips covered hers. They stood there, with the water running over them, just kissing for what seemed forever.

God, Goren could kiss and often times, he would be happy just kissing her for hours.

In this dream, however, he disconnected and picked her up to carry her into a beautiful hotel room. He laid her on the bed and then slid his wet body over hers. She could feel every part of him and his hands were everywhere she wanted them. On her breasts and in between her legs. Abruptly, he ripped himself away from her, just long enough to position his tongue on the tip of her clit. He found it so quickly that she jumped in surprise. From between her legs, she could hear his throaty chuckle.

Never had a Bobby-sex-dream ever been so real. In her sleep, she could feel every part of her orgasm. Her muscles tensed and her mouth opened and she howled his name. After, he was next to her and she could see into his eyes. Normally, when Alex dreamt of Bobby, she could never see into his eyes. But tonight, they were clear and Alex saw everything. All of his demons and his thoughts and the adoration he was showering down onto her.

They laid there, wet in the hotel bed and they talked. Bobby told her all about his suspicions about Mark Ford Brady and about his life and all the things he had never told her. Her curiosity was put to rest and for the first time ever, she knew all of Bobby.

She kissed him some more and was ready again soon and he sank into her like she was butter. His eyes held hers the entire time as they came together with powerful thrusts.

She was burrowed in his arms when she felt that warm sleepy sensation and was drifting off to slumber. She was almost to that heavy gray place where she found real rest when she heard Bobby whisper, "I love you." White peace was all around her.

Suddenly, she was running down a long block of city. She didn't recognize anything and she didn't know anyone but she kept running until finally, she slowed to a sluggish walk. She found herself in a drippy tunnel somewhere and uneasiness crept along with her. She walked for an eternity until finally, she heard an awful voice from somewhere above. Alex looked up and found a ladder just out of her reach. She jumped several times before finally grabbing a hold of the bottom rung and pulling herself up. She climbed forever and her legs were starting to feel like jell-o.

Suddenly, she was at her destination. Bobby had a gun to some kid's head and his friend, Cooper, was lying on the floor. There was blood but Alex couldn't tell where it was coming from. The kid was yelling and Bobby was getting nervous. Alex opened her mouth to tell Bobby to just shoot the kid but no sound came out. Bobby couldn't hear her. She just kept screaming though. He was inching the kid towards a door but the kid was still pissed and then suddenly, Alex's voice broke through and Bobby looked up. He smiled at her. The kid used this distracted second to grab Bobby's gun and then he shot Cooper. Bobby lunged for the gun and a bullet ripped through his chest. The kid and Cooper were both gone and Alex was sitting at Bobby's side, crying for help and putting pressure on the wound.

"Alex," Bobby softly spoke. Alex stopped yelling, just so she could hear Bobby and she waited for him to say something else but his eyes just held hers with the same intensity as their orgasm earlier. And then he was dead and Alex was left crying for what felt like hours. And this is where the dream finally ended. Alex sat up, breathing heavy and sweating.

She didn't go back to sleep that night. Instead, she got up and cleaned her apartment before getting ready to work. Instead of walking out of her building and turning right to head to Federal Plaza, she turned left and headed for the subway entrance. She rode down to the Madison Street stop and then walked another block to 1 Police Plaza.

Inside, she smiled at the security guard, who immediately rounded the desk and gave Alex a hug. The two made small talk before Alex finally asked for a visitor's pass and then boarded the elevator. On the eleventh floor, she stepped out and was instantly surrounded by her past. She and Bobby's past.

Mike Logan was leaning back in his chair, waiting for her as she walked over. He lifted a thick file off his desk and handed it to her.

"I had to go down to the basement. My blue suit got all dusty," Logan wined.

Alex just hugged the file to her chest and then leaned back on his desk.

"What do you want with this one?" Logan questioned.

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. Something's been bugging me the last few weeks. I'm afraid I missed something."

"You and Goren? Miss something?" Logan asked skeptically. Alex just shrugged again. Logan sat up in his chair and scrutinized her for a moment.

"Really, Eames, you just woke up one morning, with all your extra time and brain power, and decided you had missed something? Mark Ford Brady's been dead and buried for two years now."

Alex looked around sharply before glaring at Logan, "Don't announce it. I wanna look through the file before I spread the word. It might be nothing," she slowly revealed, giving herself an out for later when she brought the file back with no new developments.

Logan just nodded and smirked. "Yeah, well, Ross should be in any minute. You better get." Eames stood up and smiled and then patted Logan on the shoulder.

"Thanks Mike. I'll bring it back later this week."

She didn't see Ross on her way back down, which she was intensely thankful for. She tucked the file into her bag and headed to work. She had a new guy she was tracing and she spent the whole day at her computer, going over credit card bills and phone records. By the time she stood at six that evening, her whole body ached. She felt her back pop as she gathered her things. She made her way down to the street and took an hour to run a few errands.

When she got home, she sorted through mail and listened to her messages on her cell phone. Her mother was demanding a return call in a highly pitched tone. Alex relented and dialed the phone number. She listened to a lecture on returning calls, gossip about the next-door neighbor's lesbian daughter and an update on holiday plans.

Later that evening, she changed into sweats and sat down on her floor, spreading the contents of Brady's file over the floor. She and Bobby's handwritten notes stared up at her as she arranged the photos and forms. Alex sorted through the photos, looking for the redheads. Finally, she was down to five photos. She remembered the names of three of the girls who had been identified during the investigation. That left her with two photos. Photo #32 was fairly clear. The girl had a slightly crocked nose and full cheeks paired with small button eyes. 'This isn't the one,' she decided as she discarded it.

The other photo, #27, was a little beaten up. The face was mostly distorted but Alex could make out one large doe eye. Frances Goren's eye. Bobby had thought that this photo was his mom two years ago. Alex remembered him taking it with him, that last day that he went to see Brady alone. That day he had responded to her pleas to let her in, as his partner, by saying, "Then you're gonna have to trust me, Eames."

Bobby had catalogued the photos and as she ran her finger down the list, she found #27 on the list. In Bobby's handwriting, 'Unidentified' was scribbled under the name column. In the year column, 1965. Bobby would have been four when this particular picture had been taken.

But Goren must have suspected that Brady had been with his mom before that. Sometime during 1960. Alex sorted through their notes, looking for the list of Brady's chronological movements that she knew had been done. When she located, she looked up at the header and read, Det. A. Eames, May 2, 2007. She examined the research she had done two years ago, finally coming to the details of 1960. Brady was on active duty, stationed in Europe. But to the side of the paragraph, in Bobby's handwriting, Alex found a write in. 'Brady on scheduled leave. Entered U.S. on military passport, July 15. Exited November 9.'

Alex sat back, staring at the mess of paper in front of her. She suddenly wondered if Bobby had followed the same trail she just had, two years ago. Maybe he had taken the file home one night and sat down on the floor, just as she was, and spread out all the paper.

In her mind's eye, she could see Bobby leaning against his blue couch in his small living room off of 49th street. He probably sat there for hours and stared at the photos, working them through his mind until they were a permanent stain. She briefly wondered what she had been doing that night; if she had been frustrated that Bobby wasn't answering his phone again. She had barely seen him the week after his mother's death. Maybe it was one of those nights.

She rubbed her eyes and willed her mind to shut down. She needed to sleep tonight. Since Bobby's friend had first contacted her, her fits of insomnia had been more and more frequent. When she did sleep, she dreamt and, as a result, was often up and at work before dawn. As she packed the file away, a realization struck her. In order to sleep and re-claim that equilibrium, she needed to pack this away in her mind. She sighed as she made the decision. No more conscious Bobby thoughts. No more. She poured herself some wine and drank it in one shot. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths and purged Bobby from her brain. Time to go back to moving on.

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	8. Old Friends

**A/N- Sorry its been a while, I've been in Montana for five days where there is no internet access. Updates should be more regular from now on. **

**Okay- so I hope this chapter lives up to all the hype. Happy reading.**

**Old Friends **

Six months later, Bobby paced outside Johnson's office. Cooper sat in a chair, staring at his shoes.

"At least we got Kadie out," Cooper observed. Goren just grunted and kept on pacing. Moments passed slowly until finally, Johnson opened his door and motioned for them to follow him in.

Goren and Cooper waited until Johnson was seated behind his desk.

"Listen," Goren began, about to throw himself on the sword, so to speak, for Cooper's sake.

Cooper looked up to him and glared. He knew exactly what Goren was about to do. He wasn't going to let Goren take all the blame. Both partners had gone into the situation that had almost gotten the whole team exposed and both partners would be held accountable, as far as Cooper was concerned. "No, wait, Goren. It was my idea to go in unarmed…I thought they would make us too easily…"

"Both of you, shut up," Johnson roared. Silence fell upon the office as Johnson glared at them. "Both of you were stupid. Both of you screwed up," his gruff voice bounced against the walls. "And both of you saved the team, including Kadie."

Goren and Cooper exchanged glances.

Johnson continued, "It was dumb. We all know it. But your intentions were good and Langley isn't interested in making an example of you. Walters wants you at Langley to debrief and for some _serious_ remediation. After a couple of weeks, you'll be taking some time off. A month…" Bobby opened his mouth in objection but Johnson continued, "A month, Goren. Don't argue. It's already been decided."

On the flight back to the United States, Goren didn't sleep much. A whole month off…maybe he should go see Alex. Or maybe he should just stay far away from New York City. It wasn't fair to Alex, to just show up, and Bobby had always wanted to take a road trip out west. He could see the whole country in a month.

The problem was, ever since Johnson had told him about this month off, Goren had been thinking about Alex more and more. The idea of seeing her…of talking to her was growing more and more irresistible. He had tried to convince himself it wasn't a good idea but he found himself fixated on how that conversation would go.

He couldn't decide of she would be happy to see him or not. She might, justifiably, hate him. He knew that she was still the love of his life but he had treated her badly, especially towards the end, and it had been two and a half years since then. She had probably moved on a long time ago; from what Cooper had said, she definitely had changed her life since Bobby had last seen her. There was one thing Bobby did know, however, and that was that Alex had always valued Bobby as a friend. Before they had become involved, she would often tell him that he was her best friend. 'Yeah some best friend,' he thought bitterly, 'leaving her with barely any explanation.'

As he stepped off the plane in Virginia, Bobby still hadn't decided what he would do with his month off. He decided to get through the next two weeks at Langley and then make up his mind. He promised himself that if he did go to New York to see Alex, he would make sure she knew just how sorry he was for everything that had happened.

Three weeks later, Bobby sat on a New York City street bench. He had just arrived a few moments before and was about to unfold the paper that sat next to him when she walked out of the building. She was early. Bobby checked his watch. She was really early. It was only six o'clock but she was already dressed for work with her bag over her shoulder. He stood and watched for a moment as she disappeared down the city block. He didn't follow her; he just liked to catch a glimpse of her when he had the chance.

Bobby realized it was crazy. In fact, if anyone ever asked, he would never admit that he had been watching Alex walk to and from work for a week. He had tracked her down by sitting outside the federal building on his first day back in the city. He intended on walking right up to her but something about seeing her made him lose his nerve.

She looked…different. She was wearing her hair a little longer than he had ever seen it. She was always in very professional business suits and he hadn't seen any of the jeans she loved so much. She seemed busy and focused on work and he feared that showing up would crush that for her. So for a week, he had just been sitting outside her building in the morning and at night, waiting for her.

Last night, he had gotten shit faced with his old buddy Lewis. When Lewis had asked how Alex was, as if Bobby would know, he had almost lost it. Instead, he covered quickly and made up a lie about Alex being just fine. When he had gotten back to his hotel later that night, however, Bobby had just sat staring at the wall, numbly. Finally, his mind sorted through his thoughts and he'd decided. Today was the day. He was going to make himself known to Alex.

Bobby spent the morning killing time. He walked around the city, seeing old places and then he rode the subway to Brooklyn and stood in front of his childhood home in the Rockaways. Drifts of events floated in from his subconscious and he sighed in bittersweet remembrance. He didn't allow himself to stay very long. He tore his eyes away just as the really bad stuff started to creep into his consciousness.

He rode the subway for a while until getting off and wondering around Time Square. He got an expensive coffee from Starbucks but the caffeine only fueled his nervousness. The afternoon that stretched ahead of him seemed endless. Finally, left with nothing else to do, he walked back to Federal Plaza. 'Maybe she'll have an appointment outside of the building sometime this afternoon,' he reasoned with himself as he settled onto a bench and unfolded his paper.

At two thirty, Bobby looked up and saw Alex in front of the glass doors. A large black man was standing next to her, talking on a cell phone and in her hurry to find a something in her bag, she dropped the papers in her hand. Bobby stood and started towards her. A chuckle escaped his mouth when he saw her lips blurt out "Fuck." The man standing next to her was still on the phone but squatted down to help her anyway.

Bobby was about ten feet away when Alex's looked up to see him coming towards her. Her eyes squinted as if she wasn't sure her vision was clear. She shifted the papers in her hands as she slowly rose to a standing position. The man to her left kept talking on his phone, obviously irritated about something.

Bobby kept on smiling as he neared her. Their eyes were locked and he could see the nervousness she felt. She bit her lip for a moment but then a very timid, unsure smile slid to her lips. And then he was standing in front of her and Alex's was looking up at him.

"Hi," he stated, simply.

She nodded mutely and shuffled the papers again. Bobby's stomach turned. 'She's not happy to see me,' he realized slowly. His easy smile stiffened a bit until suddenly, as if Alex was only now seeing him, her smile grew in confidence and she suddenly reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly.

Bobby felt his stomach unclench and he sighed happily into her hair.

"Hi," she whispered into his neck. She pulled away slowly, suddenly aware that her partner, Matthews, was now off of his phone and looking at her curiously.

"This is my partner, Matthews. Matthews, this is… an old friend of mine," she explained cautiously. Matthews nodded and extended his hand to Bobby. Bobby took it and the two men grunted pleasantries.

Matthews phone rang again and he motioned behind him. "I'm gonna go get the car, Eames. I'll pull it up."

Alex just nodded and turned back to Bobby.

He smiled and joked, "He gets to drive?"

She rolled her eyes and deadpanned, "He doesn't make me want to jump out of a moving car." They both laughed lightly and Goren rubbed his hand over his chin.

"What are you…?" she started.

Goren just shrugged, "I have some time. I just thought I'd…"

Awkwardness floated between them as Matthews pulled up in a late model sedan.

"Oh, I have to…go. We have this meeting with the Attorney General and it's already been rescheduled twice," Alex explained as she motioned to the car.

Bobby nodded understandingly. He hesitantly asked, "I was wondering… if maybe you'd let me take you to dinner tonight?" He almost closed his eyes as he asked.

Alex nodded, a bit surprised and answered, "Ahh. Yeah. Of course."

Bobby grinned and offered, "How's, like, seven?"

Alex nodded eagerly but stopped suddenly, "Oh, wait," she muttered as she lightly hit her forehead. "How about seven thirty?"

Bobby nodded but she quickly amended, "Actually eight? Is eight too late?"

Bobby shook his head, "No, eight's fine. Whatever time is good for you."

She nodded and confirmed, "Eight." Silence passed and she looked to Matthews in the sedan, who was staring at them impatiently. She smiled at Bobby again and then turned to walk away before remembering, "Oh, gosh. I sold my house," she exclaimed, "I live somewhere else now."

Bobby almost opened his mouth to explain that he knew where she lived but, thankfully, he stopped himself just in time. Alex scribbled her new address on a piece of paper and handed it to him. As she pulled her hand away, she suddenly reached up for another quick hug.

"I miss you," she whispered into his ear. Bobby closed his eyes and focused on her hot breath on his neck. She pulled away as quickly as she had hugged him and walked backwards the few feet to the car, calling out, "I'll see you tonight."

Three blocks later, Alex could still feel the adrenaline in her blood and her mouth was cotton. She had been shocked, numbed really, to look up and see Bobby Goren walking towards her. In the last few months, since his note, she had succeeded in, once again, vanquishing him from her consciousness. She hadn't allowed herself to wonder about Bobby any more; wondering just fueled her nightmares.

But as she was squatting there, papers crumpled in her hands, watching him approach her, she had known that whatever happened, it was bound to end badly. So she had smiled uneasily until he was in front of her and then in full Bobby character, he had just uttered a simple 'Hi'. And that was all it took. Alex was back to her old self, smitten with him and unable to think clearly with him standing so close. And then she had found herself agreeing to dinner and now she was ignoring whatever her partner was saying and focusing on what she should wear that night. Shit.

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	9. Dinner With My Friend

**A/N: I hope this chapter reads like I want it to (if that makes any sense at all?) Throughout this whole story, I have never wanted Alex to come across as weak but I'm afraid she has. Hopefully, Bobby's side of things will help with that. I wanted to depict that Bobby is just as messed up about everything as Alex is. I hope it worked. Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Dinner with My Friend**

Bobby watched as Alex's car drove away with a smile plastered on his face. As it disappeared from view, his giddiness suddenly turned into nervousness and the smile slowly faded. It was replaced by a slightly nauseas look. A concerned woman asked if he was all right as he walked away.

Over the last few years, he had spent a lot of energy building a wall around himself. He didn't allow anyone to see his thoughts but there was no one who could read him better than Alex. Suppose she asked about the contents of that safe deposit box? Maybe this wasn't such a bright idea; spending time with her. But his thoughts drifted back to the smell of her hair and her hot breath against the skin of his neck and his smile gradually returned.

His earlier excitement and nervousness caught up him just then and Bobby felt himself painfully exhausted. He checked his watch, seeing he had five hours until he was to be at Alex's apartment. He decided to head back to his hotel and take a quick nap.

For a while, Bobby just lay on the hotel bed, listening to the sounds of New York all around him. There was something melodic about the blaring taxi horns and distant whining sirens. He found comfort in the fact that, even after two and a half years, the sounds still soothed him. Sometimes, if Bobby were in a small town or city, he would have a hard time sleeping. The absence of traffic would keep his mind focused on other things. Insomnia always resulted if Bobby was left to his own thoughts. 'Not today,' he thought, happily.

Hours later, Bobby awoke with a start. 'What time is it?', his brain frantically asked. He found a clock and sighed in relief. Only six. He caught his breath and then took a long shower, taking his time shaving and dressing. He left the hotel and made his way slowly to Alex's building. The closer he got, the more nervous he felt. His stomach was churning as he stepped onto her block and as he entered her building, he could swear his chest was clenching.

He had been observing Alex for a week but, now, he was going to step back into her world. Her life had always been so calm in comparison to his. She was firmly rooted to her life, held in place by a huge family that loved her. Part of his heart ached for the serenity that he knew he would find with her but another part wondered if he deserved any of that calmness.

He was well aware that he had treated Alex badly during their relationship, especially at the end. He had pulled away, emotionally and physically. To this day, he still could not be completely sure of his reasons in doing so. Was it out of fear that once she knew the truth, she would be disgusted? Or was he just so disturbed with the possibility of his true paternity that he couldn't allow her to love him anymore?

She would be well justified if she was still upset and he prepared himself for that possible outcome. Her reaction to seeing him on the sidewalk had been nervousness, at the beginning, but later, she had seemed genuinely glad to see him. He found himself pacing in the elevator he rode up to her floor. He tried slowing his breathes and closing his eyes, but the ding announcing his arrival on the tenth floor only set his heart racing again.

He found himself staring at her door for a long while before he finally lifted his hand and knocked. A moment passed before he heard a lock click. The door opened to reveal a crazed Alex.

"Hi," she breathlessly greeted him, "I'm running a little behind," she explained as she ushered him in. "Have a seat," she gestured to her couch. "I just barely got home," she called out as she headed down a long hallway, "Five minutes, I swear," he heard just before the bedroom door shut.

He sat, obediently, a little shell-shocked. He looked around the room and was suddenly at ease. The furniture was mostly the same and the apartment had a nice view of the busy street below. He could see why she liked it here. It was fairly spacious, for a city apartment, and she seemed settled.

He stood and stepped over to a large bookcase. He could pick out several of her favorite books and some new ones he didn't remember her having before. He was flipping through one such book on forensic accounting when Alex swept out of her bedroom, still pulling on a shoe. Her coat hung from her arm and her earrings where in her hand.

She looked good and Bobby had to keep himself from staring as he told her so. She swept the comment off with her hand and ushered him out the door.

They walked to the elevator in silence. Bobby pushed the button and then they both stared up at they number display waiting for it to read '10'. Alex muttered, "Slow elevator."

Bobby just nodded awkwardly. His hands were in his pockets and he rocked slightly on the balls of his feet. The silence returned and remained as they walked out of the building and Bobby hailed a cab.

He held the door open for Alex and then slid in after her. Once seated, Bobby turned to her and smiled politely.

"I got a reservation at Louie's."

Alex smiled genuinely. "I love Louie's."

Bobby just nodded, a pleased look on his face. "I know."

Alex's smile reached her eyes at Bobby's thoughtfulness.

On the way to the restaurant, Bobby asked Alex safe questions about her family. Alex answered politely and told him a few stories about her nephew. The awkwardness eased and Alex found herself breathing normally. They quickly fell into their old conversation pattern, easily conversing on insignificant issues.

It had been a while since Alex had been to Louie's. Bobby used to take her there occasionally for special occasions when they had first started dating. He knew she loved the atmosphere; the candlelight, the white linen table clothes, the genuine Italian speaking service staff. The food was fabulous and the carmello was sinful. As they stepped through the front door, Alex felt herself breath in the garlic and oregano that drifted easily through the air. Bobby smiled down at her as he gave the matre de his name. He could see from the look on her face just how excited she was and it made him contently happy. As if everything was just as it should be.

Bobby ordered the wine he knew Alex liked and they both ordered lasagna for dinner. Louie's lasagna was legendary around the city and Bobby had found himself craving it from time to time over the last few years.

A thought occurred to him and he looked up at Alex with an amused smile on his face, "Remember that time when you were pregnant…"

Alex closed her eyes and shook her head as a laugh escaped her lips. She whispered only loud enough for Bobby to hear, "That was so embarrassing."

Bobby laughed again and Alex opened her eyes to glare at him.

"Yeah, well, what about that Starbucks fiasco. Who's fault was that?"

Bobby lifted his hands contritely. "I took full responsibility for that."

Alex nodded in agreement as the server placed their lasagnas in front of them. They ate in amiable silence and Bobby found himself watching her. She was still the same, he decided, just a little older. She wasn't as sarcastic and her smile was a little slower. Maybe he had something to do with that, he realized sadly. Just then, she caught him watching her and he looked down bashfully.

He ordered her a carmello while she was in the lady's room and it was sitting at her place when she returned.

"Bobby," she started. He just shook his head and smiled. She offered him a spoon but he refused it.

He took a breath and then unintentionally blurted out, "I just like watching you eat it." Her reaction surprised him. Instead of the sarcastic jibe her expected, she just smiled gently and then nodded.

As they finished their wine and Alex ate her desert, the conversation turned slightly more serious. Bobby finally got the nerve to ask about her career change. Alex shrugged and smiled.

"I worked with them, on a case. Uhmm… about six months after you left," she started to explain. Bobby looked down at the table and adjusted the linen cloth as Alex continued. "I actually liked them, which surprised me. And they offered me a job," she shrugged again. "It's been good. I've learned a lot."

"What kind of investigations?"

"Anti-Terrorism task force."

Bobby sat up and smiled. "I bet your good at that. I bet you scare those terrorists…" he joked.

She smiled and nodded and then asked him a question of her own. "How about you?" She purposely kept her tone light and watched as Bobby's eyes flashed.

"Work is…good," Bobby answered, pulling at the tablecloth again. "It's different than Major Case. I get to," he briefly struggled to explain himself before finding the right words, "play more. I get to act a lot."

Alex smiled and agreed, "I'm sure you do enjoy that."

"Yeah it can be fun."

"And dangerous," Alex added, as she stared down at her hands.

"It's not so bad," Bobby whispered. Alex looked up and found his eyes. She wasn't buying it, Bobby could see. He just nodded in surrender and then changed the subject.

"And your house…you sold it."

"Yeah. It was time to move on." Bobby watched her face, searching for any sign of distress. He knew what that house had been to her. It was she and Joe's and they had meant to raise a family there. And then it became something else in the weeks after Jo Gage. But as he searched her face, he saw nothing but carefully placed disinterest. So he let it go and moved on.

They sat for another hour, remembering funny stories and laughing as they teased one another. It was close to eleven when Bobby looked up and realized that they were the last table in the restaurant.

"Ahh, we should go and let them close."

Alex nodded and stood, letting Bobby help her with her coat. They walked slowly, continuing their conversation from earlier. Alex found herself smiling and Bobby was leaning down as he walked, blocking out the sounds of traffic and focusing on Alex's soft voice.

As they strolled up to Alex's building, she cast her eyes up at him and finally made the decision she had been struggling with. She smiled and swallowed heavily and then said, "Come up with me." The invitation hung in the air and Alex could see Bobby struggling. She repeated herself, with more force this time, "Come up with me, Bobby."

Finally, he nodded and opened the door as she walked through. The ride in the elevator was silent. She unlocked the door and ushered him inside and then headed to the kitchen to make coffee. For the second time that night, Bobby found himself alone in Alex's living room. He looked out the window and watched the traffic from above.

Tonight had gone well. Better than he had thought. They had found their rhythm quickly. She didn't seem angry with him like he had expected. He wondered at that. Why wasn't she more upset? After his mother's death, he had shut her out and stopped talking to her all together. And then to add injury to insult, he had left her. She had come to him and begged him to try again and he had just blurted out that he was leaving her. Why wasn't she angry at him?

A soft voice from the across the room interrupted his thoughts. "You twitch less than you used to."

He turned slowly. She had kicked off her shoes and was holding two mugs of coffee in her hands. For the hundredth time that night, his eyes slowly took her in. She was wearing a simple black silk dress that clung to her at all the right places. She had pulled her hair up in a clean French twist and she wore shining diamond studs.

She allowed him to look her up and down once again. He had been doing it all night, as if he wasn't sure he would ever lay eyes on her again. Finally, his eyes met hers and she walked towards him, offering him his coffee and then settling on her couch. He joined her a moment later.

"I've found my chi," he informed her, just now responding to her earlier comment.

Alex spit coffee out and Goren jumped back to avoid the spray. She bolted to the kitchen and returned with a kitchen towel, violently dabbing at her dress.

Bobby sat with an amused smirk as she continued soaping up coffee in distress. "You're funnier than you used to be, too," she grumbled. Finally, she threw gave up, throwing the towel at him in mock disgust. "It's ruined."

Bobby stood and apologized fiercely but she just shrugged him off. "It's just a dress Bobby."

He finally sat back down and reached for his coffee, "You don't think I could have found my chi?"

Alex bit her lip in mock contemplation, "Goren, I don't think you could find your chi even if you knew what it was."

He laughed and gave in, "You're right. But it was worth the look on your face."

He sat back on the couch. From this position, he could smell her vanilla blossom perfume. He sighed happily, "You've changed your life a lot, but not your perfume," he observed in a whisper.

"Vanilla works for me," she dryly responded.

"Yeah," he agreed in all seriousness, "it does." His eyes met hers and suddenly, he was aware that he was leaning in, drinking in her smell and focusing his eyes on her small pink lips. An inch away, he stopped and started backing away but Alex reached up and met him and he found himself kissing her, slowly and softly. His hand came to rest on her waist and his heartbeat was racing from the contact. She tasted just as he remembered and she placed her small hand on his stubbled cheek, just like she used to. And suddenly, his thought from earlier drifted into his mind. 'Why isn't Alex angry with me?' he thought as he jerked away.

Alex's eyes snapped open as Bobby withdrew. He was on the other side of the couch, staring down at his hands.

"Bobby," she started as she slowly made her way towards him. He stood quickly and found himself on the other side of the room. Alex watched as he stood there, running his hand through his hair and over his chin. His lips were moving, as if he was yelling at himself very quietly, and he was keeping his eyes anywhere but on her. Finally, he came to a stop, facing her but keeping his eyes above her head, focused on the sky outside the window.

"Bobby," Alex repeated. When he just continued his intense gaze, she sighed heavily and then bit her lip, mewling to herself. Finally, she stood and picked their coffee mugs up. As she walked past him, Bobby heard a faint, "I should have known," whispered from under her breath. He was sure he wasn't supposed to hear that. As he watched her from the kitchen entryway, he looked down to his shoes and struggled with the words. He wanted to reassure her of how badly he wanted…her but he wasn't sure how to do it without sounding like a jerk. Instead, he just watched as she rinsed the mugs and loaded them into the dishwasher.

Alex stood with her hands on the counter, staring down into the sink. Finally, Bobby cleared his throat and started, "Alex…it's just that…"

Alex whirled around and glared fiercely, holding her hands up, "No. Don't. I. Should. Have. Known," she angrily repeated. "You screwed me two years ago and now…" Alex's voice got calmer and she dropped her hands to her sides. "Just go, Bobby."

Now it was Alex who would not meet Bobby's gaze. After a moment, he sighed and went to the couch for his coat. He opened the door to go, but something convinced him to walk back to her, just to say a proper goodbye. She was fixed in the same position, but her eyes were closed and he realized that her cheeks were wet.

"Ahhh, Alex," he bemoaned as he quickly walked to her side.

She shook her head and sniffled only once before clearing her throat and declaring strongly, "I thought you were leaving."

"I know, I will," he assured her, "I just wanted to say…I'm so sorry. I know how badly I messed up."

Alex looked up briefly but when she did, Bobby's dark eyes trapped her golden honey ones. She was fixed to his gaze as he continued, "I love you so much. You're the only good thing that has ever happened to me. And I destroyed it. I destroyed us. And that's why I came to find you today. I just want to make sure you know…_**I love you and I'm so sorry**_."

His eyes were clear and honest and she found herself nodding along with him.

"I know," she whispered. "You said so in your letter."

Alex stood straight up, away from the cabinet. She used the heal of her hand to wipe away the slight wetness from her eyes and cleared her throat again.  
"The key. To the new safe deposit box. Let me get it for you." She disappeared into her bedroom for a moment and returned. She held out a small gold key and he took it slowly.

"Thank you. For doing that for me," he said as he fingered the key, "You didn't have to do it…I really appreciate it."

Alex nodded curtly and watched as Bobby turned away from her. He was almost to the door when Alex blurted out, "What are the hair samples for, Bobby?"

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	10. My Truth

**A/N: I was planning on updating earlier but the week kinda got away from me. I hope this next chapter is worth the wait. And, no promises, but I should be able to update again this weekend. That is…if everyone is who reads this is willing to review. Every single person!!! Hah- yeah right.**

**My Truth**

Bobby stopped abruptly. He stood there for a moment, with his back to her as he searched frantically for a lie. But she had figured it out; he could tell from her voice. He slowly turned around and immediately saw it in her eyes. His small nod was barely noticeable. Alex stayed where she was but asked, simply, "Why didn't you tell me?"

He closed his eyes and snorted softly, "I'd have to be crazy to tell anyone."

He opened his eyes as he heard Alex say, "Even me?"

"We're talking about Mark Ford Brady here, Eames."

Alex winced inwardly at the use of her last name. He was on the defense, she realized. 'Take this slow, Alex,' she commanded herself. She took a small step towards him.

"You could have told me."

"That you were sleeping with Mark Ford Brady's son?" he questioned incredulously before continuing, "Exactly how should I have worded that? Uhmm..by the way, my mother isn't sure if my father is the alcoholic womanizer or the rapist-slash-serial killer." He had a scowl on his face and Alex could see the muscles in his arm flex as he clutched them to his sides. She took another slow step towards him.

"You haven't had the test done yet," she observed. Bobby was clenching his fists now.

He paused for a moment and then shook his head. She reached out and laid an open hand on Bobby's tense arm.

He looked just past her shoulder and attempted an explanation. "I just…I guess I just didn't want to know for sure." Bobby's eyes widened as he continued, "I mean, I guess I know. My dad always treated me differently than Frank. Maybe he suspected, I don't know."

"I could have helped if you had told me. I could have helped you."

Bobby awoke from his cloud and shook his head, "No. I didn't want you to know…what I might be."

"What you might be? Bobby, you're still you. Have you raped or murdered any women that I don't know about?"

He just shook his head again. "I just loved you so much. And I knew you loved me and I wanted to keep it that way." He paused for a moment before adding, "I guess I made it hard for that to happen. I mean, that night when you came to me, I almost followed you out the door and told you. But I just wanted you to think of me the way you always had."

"I promise. I'll never think of you differently because you might be his biological son," Alex's hand caught his as she emphasized, "I promise."

Bobby's expression made it clear he wasn't sure but he nodded with his eyes anyway. The two friends stood for a few moments in silence. Eventually, she cleared her throat and turned to the cupboard.

"I have some whiskey somewhere in here. We might need it."

After a few shots, they both sat on the floor in between the coffee table and the couch. Alex's head was buzzing a little bit and she was starting to get to that place where her tongue felt very heavy. She giggled a little and turned to Bobby.

"To think…all this time, I thought you left because you decided you didn't love me after all." Bobby's face was suddenly very serious. Alex hurried to reassure him. "It's okay, Goren. I heard you before. You love me." Her voice was light with her giggles.

He nodded intensely, repeating after her, "I love you." His voice was void of any laughter.

Alex didn't notice. She just continued giggling as she added, "And I love you. And you're sorry for leaving me. And I'm sorry you couldn't tell me about Brady. And I love you," she giggled again, covering her mouth as she leaned her head against Goren's shoulder. "I think I already said that…the part about how I love you." She laughed again, "I said it again."

Bobby allowed himself a minute. A minute of feeling her head on his shoulder and her arm brush against his chest. She was so close to him. He wished they could stay just like this.

As if reading his thoughts, Alex suddenly asked, in a small, quiet voice, "How long do you have?"

"Three weeks."

"And then…back to where?" She looked up at him, watching as he struggled with himself. Finally, he just blinked and stood up, carrying the bottle of whiskey to the kitchen and returning with coffee. Alex was sitting on the couch now, staring out the window with a smile on her face.

She accepted the coffee and then quietly spoke, "You won't ever be able to tell me about your job. About where you are on any given day."

Bobby's silence answered for him. They drank their coffee silently until Bobby finally spoke.

"I have three weeks right now. And then after that, we'll have to decide what we want to do."

He bent his head awkwardly, trying to catch her eyes. She finally relented and looked up at him.

"I love you and I want to be with you. I don't deserve it; not after the way I left last time. But I love you and if your willing to give me another chance, I promise not to run away again."

Alex nodded and stood, walking slowly to the doorway of the kitchen.

"I can't handle not hearing from you for two years again."

Bobby nodded and walked towards her. "Never again. I promise."

They stared at each other for a few moments before Bobby sighed and said, "Maybe I should go…we can pick this up tomorrow, when you don't have any alcohol in your system."

Alex smirked and whispered, "I hold my liquor better than you do, Goren. I'm fine." She stepped towards Bobby and smiled. "I think you should stay."

She leaned up on her tiptoes and placed a small delicate kiss on Bobby's mouth. When he opened his eyes, she was standing flat-footed again, staring up at him and waiting with big round honey eyes. He exhaled slowly. His head was clouded and he struggled to remind himself of all the reasons this should not happen tonight. But she was watching him and her lips were so pink. Maybe…just a kiss, he lied to himself.

Alex stared as Bobby's resolve melted. She allowed herself a satisfied smile as he leaned down into her. His mouth covered hers in a less chaste kiss and soon her tongue was in between his teeth as he sucked gently. Alex moaned into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. Bobby felt the vibrations of her moan and he gasped, pulling back. His bewildered eyes searched hers as he marveled at the affect just kissing her was having on his body.

"God," he said, putting his thoughts to word, "I forgot how…just kissing you…"

Alex grinned wickedly and bit her lip mischievously, nodding towards Bobby's crotch and then giggling as she said, "Yeah, I can see what you mean." She reached up to the clasp that was holding her silk dress together and, with one skillful hand, undid her dress. The cloth fell to the floor in a cloud of black material exposing Alex's body. Her skin was milk white and the black lace bra and panties she wore contrasted it gracefully.

Bobby grunted. He watched her through hooded eyes. She was doing this on purpose and Bobby's resolve was gliding away. She stood perfectly still, watching him debate himself until finally, he took a step towards her.

"Black lace," came his throaty accusation. Another step.

"Your favorite." Another step brought him right in front of her.

His thick index finger slipped underneath the strap of her bra and he rubbed her shoulder gently.

"My favorite," he repeated back. She just nodded, but her body remaining perfectly still. She was going to let him make the next move.

"Nothing has ever been more sexy," he growled in her ear as he ferociously swept her into his arm and carried her down the hall to where he assumed he would find a bedroom. He reverently placed her on top of the bed and took a moment to stare down at her before climbing on top of her.

Alex's body was on fire. Bobby was on top of her, still fully clothed, kissing her senseless. Her head was spinning and she needed oxygen badly but Bobby's mouth was still working against hers. Finally, she pulled her mouth away, gasping for oxygen.

"Bobby," came her breathless plea, "you're still dressed."

He hadn't even noticed. Her skin was so warm against his hands. He pulled himself onto his knees, struggling to pull his shirt over his head and turned to sit, pulling his shoes off and throwing them across the room.

Alex laughed as she watched Bobby wildly tear his clothes off. Her laughter distracted him and he turned back towards her, pressing her body back onto the bed and kissing the laughter from her lips.

Another few breathless moments passed, until Alex pulled away again, "Bobby, pants. NOW!"

He moved his body off of her once more and, this time, returned completely naked. He looked down at her and shook his head, "You've still got the lace on."

"You like the lace," she reminded him as she arched her neck under his kisses.

"I want the lace off now," he insisted. She smiled and sat up. Bobby sat next to her and watched as she slowly inched a hand behind her back. One suspenseful moment later, the black lace was gone and Bobby was staring at Alex's breasts. A smile erupted on his face as he threw her onto her back.

"I like these better than the lace," he confirmed as he busied himself with her nipples. She bit her lip as he teased and tickled her in all her favorite spots. It was as if Bobby's hands remembered her body and it's preferences. And all that caressing, all that nipping, caused Alex to dampen even more. Her panties were soaked now and she squealed as Bobby's teeth sunk into her flesh one last time.

"Now, Bobby," she breathed into his ear and she felt Bobby's body shiver in response. He kept his left hand in on her left breast but used his right hand to rip her underwear down her legs. He flung them behind his head and then looked into Alex's eyes. He saw her there, all of her, and with relief, he bent down to kiss her again as he used his right hand to ease himself into her.

"God…" she was already screaming as Bobby's tip entered her.

"You're tight," Bobby grunted as he pulled out and pushed farther in. Her hands were grasping his upper arms, digging in and directing him.

"More, Bobby, now," and Bobby gave her more.

She was rocking against him now and he was sinking further and further in until finally, he was all in and he relaxed for a second, allowing his body to rest against her. He kissed the crock of her neck softly and shifted his hips to match her slow bucks. He could feel the tips of her nipples against his chest and she was calling out his name. And it was everything he remembered. He closed his eyes for a moment and commanded himself to remember this moment. Remember being inside of her and hearing his name on her throat.

His dick was throbbing and Alex was begging from underneath him. He opened his eyes and found hers once again. He held her gaze as his slow thrusts turned into fast ones and her breathes became haggard. She was close and Bobby could feel her squeezing around him. She shifted her legs further up his back and the change in angle was all either of them needed.  
Explosion was all Bobby could see. He could hear her in the distant background, calling him, and he could feel her, all around him. It was the most powerful orgasm Bobby could ever remember. The lines around the room blurred with the explosion he could see in the periphery of his vision and suddenly, he looked down on her and she was still with him. He had brought her along with him, he realized. He wasn't alone because she was experiencing everything at the same pace.

Bobby felt his legs give out just as his vision cleared and for a moment, he rested on top of her. His heart was pumping out of his chest as he kissed her softly before moving to the side. She stopped him with her arm wrapped around his back. "Stay," she pleaded breathlessly, "Stay in me for just a minute."

"I'm crushing you," he countered.

She just shook her head and mumbled, "Feels good. You feel good."

He gave her a few moments before rolling away, insisting he didn't want to kill her with his weight. Instead he pulled her close to him and buried his face in her hair. Silence ruled for a few moments until she looked up at him with a smirk on her face.

He laughed and asked, "What?"

She laughed again, "You still have it, Goren."

He puffed his chest out, just a little, and smiled proudly before quietly adding, "With you."

Alex rested her head against his chest again and closed her eyes. Peace. There was a peace that accompanied love making with Bobby. Her body felt at ease and her mind was relaxed. No massage therapist or psychoanalyst could affect her like this. Goren's finger was skimming across her back in a circular pattern and she could hear his heartbeat. Peace. Sleep would come soon and she as she faded off, she could hear Bobby's heart beat and fell his chest rise and fall against her. Bobby was here, alive and well. Peace.

Alex slept perfectly that night. She woke to soft light creeping through open blinds. Someone opened the blinds, Alex's brain registered, just seconds before the hint of coffee hit her nose. Someone made coffee.

Bobby watched from the door as Alex slowly became coherent. He only allowed a hint of a smile to cross his lips. Nothing pissed Alex off more than morning and he didn't want to be the object of her anger. She only had one eye open, he could see from his vantage point. Her small mouth was set in a scowl and he was fairly sure that he saw her utter a curse. He took a step closer and watched as the full fragrance of the coffee in his hand hit her. She whirled around from her stomach to her back, tangling the sheets as she went.

"Coffee," came a strangled demand. Alex sat up, clutching a single thin sheet to her chest and accepted the heavenly mug. Bobby watched as the coffee turned her from incoherent to only slightly confused.

"What day is it?"

"Thursday."

"What time is it?"

"Six thirty. You have to get up." He leaned closer and kissed her cold nose.

She glared at him for a moment before smiling out of one corner of her mouth. "I have meetings all day long. Meetings with accountants. Forensic accountants," she said with disguist.

Bobby laughed and lay back next to her. His mouth came just to the tip of her shoulder and he kissed the bare skin. She smiled down at him.

"Dinner tonight?"

**Oh Please Review…PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**


	11. Tainted Love for Betty and Al

**A/N This chapter is pretty fluffy but it is not for the faint of heart. There is some seriously explicit sex here, people. No children or elderly should be reading this. **

**Thanks to everyone who is reviewing. Reviews are, not kidding at all, the only thing that keeps me going. I HAVE to have them in order to write. It's not an option. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!! I appeal to everyone's love for CI fanfiction.**

**Tainted Love for Betty and Al**

The next few weeks were blissfully happy. Alex went to work during the days and Bobby killed time while she was gone every day. He cleaned her apartment in the mornings, wondered around the city during the afternoons and had dinner waiting every night when she got home. They would eat slowly, and then sit on her couch and chat for an hour or so before one of them reached in for a kiss. That kiss would turn into some serious, frantic making out and then they would clumsily find their way to the bedroom. It was a harmonious routine that they stuck to religiously.

During the early weeks, they didn't discuss the subject of their future. When Bobby tried to bring it up, Alex withdrew and refused to carry on the conversation. It was if it pained her too much to even discuss. So Bobby dropped it, for the time, and focused on just being with her. Most of their time together was spent making love or just laying in bed talking. But Bobby couldn't help feel that she wasn't divulging all of her soul the way he was. He couldn't really blame her for being a little hesitant in trusting him. He realized he was going to need patience and time to regain her trust. He didn't mind; he was in this for the long run and he whispered so much to her one night as they lay together.

One snowy, sunny morning, Alex's head poked out of the heavy comforter. She wiped her bangs out of her eyes and squinted in the early morning sunlight. There was snoring. Heavy snoring. She rolled over and elbowed her companion in the ribs.

"Oof."

"Your snoring," she grumbled before ducking back under the covers.

Goren joined her in the darkness the comforter provided and put his nose on Alex's.

"Your nose is cold," she muttered. As she closed her eyes again, her feet drifted to Goren's hairy legs, running them up and down to seek warmth.

"Your feet are cold," Bobby gritted through his teeth.

"You like 'em," she breathed.

Bobby laughed and rolled on top of her. "I like your cold feet, huh?"

Alex feigned sleep as Goren started kissing her face; first her forehead, then her nose, next both eyelids and cheeks and her chin and then, lastly, her mouth. She only allowed a small smile as his lips started drifting south. Alex's eyes remained closed as Bobby started nipping and sucking. He pulled up her t-shirt up to her neck and, despite her best efforts to remain silent, Alex couldn't help but moan a little when he took her nipple between his teeth.

"Still asleep?" he questioned when her eyes remained closed.

"Yep," came her response.

He grinned to himself and continued working. His mouth continued kissing until he found the exact spot he had been searching for. A shriek of laughter erupted out of Alex's mouth. Right above her left hipbone was her ticklish spot. Bobby had bumped it once during sex years ago and been shocked when instead of coming, Alex started laughing hysterically.

As Alex laughed, Bobby continued kissing and rubbing the spot. She finally had enough and leapt out of bed. Bobby followed her down the hall to the living room. She was standing on the couch, trying to dodge his attempts to tickle her. Finally, when everything else had failed, she was forced to take drastic actions. She hung her arms around his neck, lifted herself off of the couch and wrapped her legs around him. He groaned at the feeling of her hot center pressed against his stomach.

"You fight dirty," he growled in her ear. She just shrugged and kissed him for all she was worth. He abandoned his attempts at tickling her and carried her back to bed. Before he put her down, though, he whispered, "I'll get you after I'm done with you."

"And what, exactly are you going to do to me?"

Bobby growled and joined her on the bed. He captured her lips in a slow, totally intoxicating kiss, only releasing her lips to return to his earlier exploration of her body. He reached a finger down to rub against her bare clit before whispering in a low voice, "Already wet. All ready for me."

Alex smirked mischievously. Bobby's fingers stroked her slowly for several minutes, moving in different directions. Up and down and right and left. Alex tried to stay coherent and playful for as long as possible but finally it was too much and she fell back and let her body coil in suspense.

"Oh God. Bobby…don't…ohhh…I'm gonna…cuuummm….." His fingers pinched and she was instantly liquefying against his hands. Bobby kissed her lips as she came, slowly probing his tongue in and out and smiling at the moan that vibrated against his mouth. Her eyes were glassy for a few moments until she finally blinked up at him and smiled.  
"You're turn," her sneaky expression from before returned as she crawled out from underneath him. He sat up with her and stared at her from across the big bed. She was sitting on her knees, completely naked, watching him.

"Alex?"  
"Get comfortable."

Bobby expression must have been one of confusion because she clarified, "Would you be more comfortable lying down or sitting up when I suck you senseless."

His mouth gapped open at her dirty mouth but his eyes glazed over in anticipation, giving him away. Alex smiled and started crawling towards him. When she was in between his thighs, lying on her stomach, she took her pointer finger and softly scratched the length of Bobby's erection.

Bobby could tell that this was going to be both torturously and spectacularly drawn out. Alex was playing and she wouldn't be done until she won. Her fingertips were playing lightly along his pulsing dick and he wasn't sure how long he was going to last but he'd give it his all.

Her fingers were encircling him now, rubbing their tight circle up and down. She bent down and, while maintaining eye contact, started licking her way from the top to the bottom. When she reached his tip, she grazed her tongue all the way around.

Their eyes were locked as Alex opened her mouth wide and took all of him in. In and then out, in and out, pumping with her circled fingers. Bobby watched. His head felt like it was going to just pop off. He was tempted to close his eyes but Alex' s pupils kept him transfixed.

She was watching his reaction and timing her mouth and fingers accordingly. As soon as he got close to the boundary of explosion, she would back down a tad and tame her tongue and lips, only to build him back up as soon as he regained his eyesight. By the fifth such cycle, he was losing feeling in his extremities. She seemed to sense his complete and total surrender because on the six build up, she just kept going; pumping and sucking and blowing just right.

His body was racked with convulsions as he exploded into her lips and his head went dizzyingly black. He only faintly felt the pressure of Alex's body as she crawled up his torso and only slightly registered the tiny kiss she placed on his mouth. It took him several moments to return to himself and when he finally did, Alex was curled tightly to his side. Neither spoke for a long moment until he allowed a low gasp to escape him.

"Wow."

Alex laughed and rolled onto his chest, looking down upon him as his smile widened.

"I've never had a...No other…" Bobby stammered.

"Blow job?" Alex supplied.

He nodded emphatically and finished, "Has ever been that good."

They spent the rest of the morning in bed, teasing and enjoying each other. Around noon they both feel asleep and it was five o'clock in the afternoon when Alex awoke to Bobby rolling off the bed. He kissed her and whispered of his intentions to shower. Alex meant to get up and grab a snack but instead, she lay in bed, listening to Bobby's horrible singing that was drifting in from the bathroom. She giggled as she twirled a piece of blond hair in her fingers. Even the acoustics from the shower weren't helping him. But then, he knew that.

"Tainted Love…oohh…tainted love…"

She giggled again. He was doing it for her benefit, she knew. Back when they had first gotten together, years ago, she had walked into his apartment one Sunday morning. They had plans for brunch but she was a bit early. He was in the shower, belting out lines from Paul Simon's 'You Can Call Me Al'. She had stood outside his bathroom door, laughing so hard. "If you'll be my bodyguard…I can be your long lost pal!"

…a smile played on Alex's lips as she remembered the horrified expression Bobby wore when he discovered her, on all fours, laughing so hard. Her face had been red, her stomach clenched and her lungs breathless as she hooted deliriously. He had stood there, wet and wrapped in a towel, watching as she tried to compose herself. Finally, he squatted down to her, a smile on his lips and started wailing loudly, "I can call you Betty and Betty when you call me…You can call me Al."

She had shrieked as Bobby suddenly scooped her up and carried her to his bed. He had laid her down and then climbed on top of her, humming as he unbuttoned her shirt and kissed her reddened skin. Her laughter stopped as she bit her lip, watching him undress her. And then they had made love. They never made it to brunch that day. They had stayed in bed all Sunday and had ordered take out for dinner. It was one of those perfect days that her mind could resurrect without any trouble.

Like these three weeks would be…her dark mind considered. His three weeks were halfway up. He'd be gone and she'd be back to trying to get back to living without him. They hadn't spoken of it…not in so many words. Two nights ago, she had a nightmare, the first one since his return. He was going back to the danger in three days. She shuddered and willed her mind to think of happy things. Puppies, flowers, really good coffee…

"Don't touch me PLEASE…I cannot stand the way you TEASE!"

A giggle escaped her mouth.

**Does begging for reviews at the end of every chapter entice you to review? Please say it does!**


	12. Parting

**AN: Sorry, I know it's been a whole week since I updated. Harry Potter and everything…plus this chapter DID. NOT. WANT. TO. BE. WRITTEN. Like all of you, I much prefer Bobby and Alex happily together and having lots of crazy sex********. This angst is not so much fun. Anyhoo- Review please.**

**Parting**

The day before Goren was to leave brought rain and thunder. New York was drenched in early spring clouds and puddles pooled around the city's gutters and allies. The morning was quiet and restless as Alex hurried around the apartment getting ready for her day. She had an important arrest to make down in the financial district and her energy was bouncing off the walls. Bobby was careful to stay out of her morning rush. Instead, he slowly mixed batter for pancakes and gracefully flipped them in the frying pan, humming unrecognizable tunes. When Alex emerged, she rushed past his pancakes and kissed him goodbye absently.

Bobby ate his pancakes alone as he flipped through channels on the small TV Alex kept in her kitchen. He made his way around the apartment, tidying up and getting ready to go out for the morning. There was an art exhibit in Soho he really wanted to see before he left the next day and he needed groceries for the dinner he was planning for Alex that night.

As he pulled his wool hat over his ears and stepped out onto the wet New York street, he could feel his dark mood swirling around him. Agitation was edging in on him and as he walked down the deserted street, he tried to narrow down the reasons for his edginess. He was leaving the next afternoon; which was definitely a source of anguish but he had expected a certain amount of melancholy about his departure. There was something more. Things with Alex were good. On almost every level. They made each other happy and they loved each other so completely. Bobby felt a return to fullness that he had missed in the last couple of years. And Bobby knew they were still best friends. But her refusal to talk about what they would do after tomorrow, after he left, sat uneasy with him.

They would have to discuss it tonight. And somehow, he suspected the conversation might not go smoothly especially because he would most likely have to force the subject. And on his last night, the last thing he wanted was to fight with Alex.

But the conversation was critical. A few nights ago, in the middle of the night, Alex had suddenly ripped away from him and when he had come to and sat up next to her, she was hot and breathing hard. A look of sheer terror was fixed to her face. One look at her eyes had told him everything he needed to know. This nightmare was about him.

"Alex," he had whispered. She just shook her head and took a few moments to calm her breathing. She refused to meet his gaze. He had gotten closer to her and whispered her name again. Slowly, her eyes found his and, there, he found confirmation. She had dreamt of his death. Their silent communication drifted slowly between their eyes until he finally spoke.

"I'm right here, Alex. I'm just fine. Look," he reassured. She had nodded dumbly and just listened as he continued promising her he was just fine. Finally, he had convinced her to lie down again and then he kept his voice as soothing and true as possible as he whispered her to sleep.

Bobby had laid there next to her and watched as she allowed sleep to blanket her. And then his mind had spiraled into the uncontrollable place. He couldn't get ahead of his thoughts to stop them. He couldn't make himself calm. No wonder she didn't want to discuss the future. She wasn't certain he would be _alive_ to be apart of her future.

That first night he was back, when they at the restaurant discussing their careers, she had said something about his job being dangerous. And he had tried to brush it off. But she wasn't convinced.

The truth was that his job was dangerous. When he was in the field, not a week went by that he was not involved in some type of perilous situation. And he was always careful but there were never any guarantees. And Alex worried.

As Bobby walked down the wet street towards Soho, a foreign thought registered in the foremost part of brain. Maybe he should think about making a change. Maybe it was time to get out of the international game. Two and a half years ago, he had been running and the appeal of the CIA was in the global aspect. But now, he had come clean with Alex. The hair samples were tucked safely in a bank box. He found himself wondering just how Alex would react if he decided to take a position in New York. He shrugged the thought away for a later date as he stepped inside the art gallery.

Later that afternoon, he stopped in the lobby of the apartment to pick up the mail. On top of the pile was a small envelope addressed to him. It had no address or postage. Someone had hand delivered it. He waited until he was inside Alex's apartment before opening the envelope. Enclosed was a plane ticket in one of Bobby's pseudo names. The destination was St. Petersburg.

Bobby's earlier agitation returned with a vengeance. He hadn't cleared things up here yet but nevertheless, here was a plane ticket for an international destination. Frustration was not one of Bobby's favorite emotions. He paced for a few moments before turning his nervous energy to the kitchen. He was cooking Alex's favorite; parmesan chicken. Just as he was putting the finishing touches on dinner, his cell phone rang.

He walked swiftly to the back of the apartment and closed the door of Alex's home office before answering the phone.

"Goren."

Alex entered the apartment and was met with silence. A quick glance around the kitchen assured her that Goren was somewhere inside. As she passed the kitchen, she took a quick peak in the oven. The chicken parmesan looked fabulous and it smelled heavenly. She headed down the hall and into the bedroom, expecting to find Goren. When a quick search of the empty bedroom and bathroom revealed nothing, she opened the door to the office.

Goren was sitting on the phone, speaking in a hushed voice into his cell phone. He waved from his position on the floor and immediately bid farewell to whomever was on the other end of his conversation. Alex leaned against the doorway and smiled.

"How's Cooper?"

Bobby returned her smile and nodded. Alex searched his eyes for honesty. She found it.

"He's good. He says hello."

Alex leaned forward to offer a hand as he pulled himself off the floor. Bobby led her down the hall to the kitchen and poured her a glass of Chianti.

"Where is he?" Alex questioned.

Bobby was leaning over the oven, pulling the dish out. "He's in Boston. Visiting his mom."

Alex accepted the answer without question. She hadn't been able to see Bobby's eyes, however, so she wasn't convinced it was the truth. Her mind swirled as she tried to convince herself it didn't matter. What did she care what Cooper was doing? She closed her eyes briefly and commanded herself to let it go just as Bobby pulled out a chair for her to sit in. She took the seat and he leaned down to sweetly kiss her temple.

As they ate, they made casual conversation. Bobby told her about the Soho art exhibit and the pastrami sandwich he had for lunch. She listened with interest. Bobby was always able to find something to do. For three weeks now he had occupied himself all day long while she was gone to work. And he always had great stories. But after he left, when they spoke, he wouldn't be able to tell her stories about his day. Everything would be back to secrecy once he was in the field again. As she looked back up at him, she realized he had asked her something.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. What was that?"

Bobby squinted at her a little. She had been contemplating him, he was sure. It wasn't like her not to pay attention when they were talking. He smiled and asked quietly, "What were you thinking about?"

He could see her gasp in a little air. She was still surprised when he read her so easily. Instead of dodging the question, however, Alex nodded and spoke quietly, "I just realized how much I like listening to your stories. I'm going to miss them when you're gone."

Bobby felt the air leave his lungs. He nodded seriously. "I know." Despite the implications of her statement, he was relieved that she was willing to approach the subject of his departure. "I know you don't really want to talk about this but I think we should…"

She nodded fiercely and interrupted him. "I haven't exactly been forthcoming with all of my emotions this last couple of weeks. I just…I guess I didn't want to face you leaving again. Talking about it makes it feel real."

"I know."

They both contemplated for a moment before Alex whispered, "I don't want you to go."

Bobby nodded and took her hand. "I know," he repeated, this time more pointedly. He intertwined their fingers before he stated, "You worry." He paused for a moment before he solemnly added, "You have nightmares."

Alex nodded as her honey eyes widened in remembrance of the particularly gruesome ones.

"The worst…nightmares," she confirmed.  
Her expression was clearly pained and Bobby's body desperately wanted to comfort her. He commanded his arms to stay locked at his sides. They needed to say these things, right now, and he was actually very shocked at the easy way the conversation was progressing.

"I'm always careful," he pledged. He didn't want to negate her feelings and he definitely didn't want to minimize them. She looked at him skeptically.

"You can be as careful as you want but the reality is that it's dangerous. I don't even know the details and I know it's dangerous."

Goren's eyes focused on the table until Alex's silence pulled his eyes to hers. He nodded in acknowledgement of her statement.

After taking his time to choose his words, he carefully whispered, "I can only promise I'll be careful. That's all I can do. I wish I could do more to make you feel comfortable. But I promise I'll stay in contact. I'll check in as much as I can and I'll be careful."

Alex's eyes only nodded and then she cleared her throat and asked, "What time is your flight?"  
"Four o'clock."

"I have a meeting."

"That's okay. I'll take a cab. I was thinking maybe I could be back for your birthday this summer."

"That'd be nice," she said as she nodded and stood up. She cleared the table as Bobby watched. She was tense, he could see it in her shoulders. As she stepped to the sink, he approached her from behind and wrapped his large arms around her chest, pulling her into his chest and kissing her head. At first, Alex stayed rigid but as Bobby's kisses continued, she relaxed into his arms and sighed heavily. As she whirled around to face him, his eyes promised hers that everything would be fine. And even though she knew better, she wanted to believe him so instead of contradicting him, she just allowed him to steer her towards the bedroom.

That night when they made love, it was slow and powerful. It was as if Bobby was making promises to her with his body. And Alex willed herself to just stay in the moment and not worry about tomorrow night. Tomorrow night, he would be gone.

After he was done promising her with his body, he whispered his promises about his heart and his soul. And she just let herself lie in his arms and soak all of him up. And she promised herself some things as well. She decided there would be no crying come tomorrow night. He'll be back, she though reassuringly. She nuzzled in closer and her mind chanted her new mantra again and again. 'He'll be back'.

The next morning brought sunshine despite the dark cloud Alex felt swirling inside her. She took her time getting ready for work. Her makeup application took twice the time it normally did. She changed her outfit three times. And then it was time to go and time to say goodbye to him. Alex had promised herself that Goren's last image of her would not involve any tears or theatrics. He watched as she simply shrugged on her coat, pulling her long hair out from the collar and then reached for her black shoulder bag. He toed around in a small circle as she gathered her keys and phone.

"Goren," she smirked.

His eyebrows rose at her playful tone.

"You're twitching. Where'd your chi go?"

Bobby grinned wide and waggled his eyebrows, "Guess all that great sex…"

She threw her head back and laughed as she finished for him, "Zapped you of your chi?"

He laughed a true laugh that started in his gut and rang through his mouth. The sound was the best thing Alex had ever heard.

They slowly made their way to the door. She turned to him and smiled gently before lifting herself up and kissing his cheek. She whispered intensely, "I love you."

She went to pull away, but Goren's arms kept her close. He pulled her tighter and kissed her long and hard. And when they were both breathless, he pulled his tongue away and against her lips, stated very clearly, "I love you. You are everything for me."

Their eyes held each other's for several long moments before she finally pulled away.

"I have to go. I'll be late."

Bobby nodded and walked to the elevator with her. They remained silent but smiled at each other as the silver elevator doors closed, carrying her away.

He spent the morning gathering his things and cleaning. He went to the grocery store and even had time to do a little of her laundry. He may have to leave, he reasoned, but at least she'd have food, clean clothes and a spotless apartment.

As he walked out of the apartment, he vowed to himself that he'd be back by her birthday that summer. And maybe, if everything worked out right, he might be able to stay for good.


End file.
